


Twisted

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, ignore this work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-26
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2017-12-03 16:24:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 37,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/700263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ignore this sorry lol</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ✚ Chapter 1 ✚

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this, thank you thank you thank you. I really hope that you like it. Also, I started this a few months ago where my writing skills weren't exactly A+ so the later chapters are better :) yes, there is PLENTY of smut lol

It’s their third night in France, one of Liam’s favorite countries. If Niall kept this up, however, it would be-by far-Liam’s  _least_ favorite.

For the third night in a row, Niall was in some club with strangers and slutty girls, absolutley piss drunk. Its not the getting drunk thing that makes Liam so upset. Well, thats half of it. The things he would  _do_ when he was drunk were what was so terrible. Liam wouldn’t know unless Niall wouldn’t have called him that one night a few months ago, saying he was sorry and he just had sex with some strangers. He had been so scared. Of himself, of his actions-he hadnt known what to do. It spiraled from there.

Now, for the umpteenth time, Niall would either come back to the hotel too drunk to walk, or he wouldn’t even attempt walking and would call Liam to come pick him up from the side of some pub. Then Niall would cry some, or a lot, and Liam would hold him and tell him  _‘it’s okay, get some rest’_ , and pray that Niall would stop this.

But Niall won’t stop this. This is all he knows. And it’s not exactly like Liam can just say ‘ _Niall I love you more than life and I can’t stand to see you do this. Stop having sex with random girls and just come kiss me instead, I’ll help you’_ , because that would scare Niall off. And that can’t happen. No, if there’s one thing Liam is sure of, it’s that **cannot**  happen.

 

So instead, Liam waits. Waits for the knock at his hotel door or the ring of his cell. Waits with mortal fear and anxiety, just hoping that wherever Niall is at any given time- he’s  _safe_. that he hasn’t been taken advantage of by some man and, and- god, he can’t even bring himself to imagine the twisted things that could happen to poor little Niall.

Liam starts thinking about something else instead. Maybe if he stops focusing on what could go wrong in Niall's life, and think of ways to help, he can fix this. Probably not; but maybe.

 

Step one is to talk to Niall, he decides. Figure out why Niall does what he does. Because Liam knows he’s not an alcoholic. No, no, defiantly not. Niall is just fine without alcohol. He doesn’t depend on it. Nialls not dumb enough to try and sneak it. He just likes alcohol because it helps him not worry about what he’s doing while he’s drunk.

 

And thats when the thought first crosses Liam’s mind that maybe..god, it’s sickening..maybe Niall’s a sex addict. Or..maybe not an _addict_ , but he craves it too much. Maybe that’s what all the drinking is for. But how could Niall be a sex addict- god, he’s got to stop using the word addict because it just doesn’t fit- how could Niall crave sex that much if they’re always on tour and whatnot? Maybe..maybe it’s not really to the addictive level, but it’s just a craving. Liam shivers.

Alcohol and sex. Those are two words that should not in the same sentence as Niall blue-eyed-pretty-blonde-cutie-pie-horan. They just dont mix.

 

Step two, Liam decides, is to give Niall an alternative. Find something better to do than go to pubs and give him the chance to get drunk like that. So he can spend time with Liam. Or with Liam and Josh. Or Liam and Zayn. (Not Liam and Harry and Louis because that would probably just remind Niall of sex with how much those two touch).

That would work. He would just have to convince niall that he wants to  _help_  him, not embarrass him. And he has to ensure Niall that his secret is safe..that is, if Niall’s even got a problem.

 

That proposes another thought. What if Liam’s overreacting? What if Nialls only had 4 or 5 one night stands in his entire life and he’s not really /that/ drunk for an irishman, and Liam’s blowing this whole thing out of proportion? Then, he thinks, maybe he’s not and it’s probably better to at least carry out the first step of his plan to be safe.

He’s about to plan step three when there’s a loud, solid thud at the door. Then there’s some faint knocks as Liam’s stomach churns and he rushes towards the door. He’s not prepared for what he sees.


	2. ✚ Chapter 2 ✚

Niall is utterly drunk, he reeks of vodka and Liam finds that his hair is soaked in the stuff. He’s sweaty and his knees are shaky and he looks frail. Those pretty blue eyes are glassy, and the whites are completely red. His normally pink cheeks are a scorching red, and Liam’s never seen anyone this thoroughly ruined.

 

“Niall,” he chokes out, and wraps him in a hug. He doesn’t care that he’s going to get filthy and this is a fairly new T-shirt he’s wearing- he just needs to hold Niall. He practically drags him over the threshold and shuts the door and takes the boy straight to the bathroom. And he realizes Niall hasn’t said a word. And Niall is a very talkative drunk, so that doesn’t quite add up.

 

“Niall?” Liam says, a question.

 

“Mm?” Niall’s eyes are shut.

 

“You…do you want a shower?” was all Liam can think to say. And he’s not really sure why he asked, because he NEEDS one. It’s not an optional thing: Niall has to shower.

 

“Ni.” he says, and thinks of a better question,”…how much did you drink?” and Niall’s paying attention now. Liam turns on the water and is busy stripping Niall down in the least awkward way possible as Niall talks- or, slurs,

 

“Liam, I dunno. I’d tellya if I could. Think…think maybe ‘round four pints, 'nd then some shots…’nd I had s’m vodka with josh. I’m…m’sorry Liam. I’m really sorry,” and the last sentence sounds genuine. Almost genuine enough to make Liam forgive Niall for all the things he said just before that. But all he can think about is how the  _hell_  is Niall alive and how the  _hell_ did he get home?

 

“Let’s not talk anymore, okay Ni? Let’s get you clean.”

He’s taken all the clothes off Niall, and is stripping himself now, and this is different but there’s nothing else to do. He’s never had to shower with Niall before because he’s never been  _this_ hammered, but Niall can’t even stand and the last thing they need is a ride to the nearest hospital.

He practically carries Niall to the shower, and finds it’s barely enough room for two people, but that’s okay. He likes being close to Niall.

 

Now he’s thinking about how close he is to Niall and how hot and wet it is and how nice Niall actually looks when he’s soaked like this. And all he wants is to kiss the alcohol right out of Niall. It’s hard to hold back, too. It’s not the normal ‘ _damn I want to kiss you_ ’ , no, it’s _‘holyfuckingshit this is too perfect an opportunity and all I can think about is why am I not already kissing you and I NEED to, but I can’t’_. That’s kind of the only reason it’s good that Niall’s drunk. He can’t see Liam’s semi, can’t see the look in Liam’s eyes that reflects lust at its highest.

 

Sure, Liam’s seen him naked. Washed him, Actually. But he hasn’t ever stood next to Niall, also naked, in a warm, wet shower. This is a first. And it’s affecting Liam’s thinking a little more than he’d like to admit. He’s also quite angry, because this wasn’t supposed to be how their first shower together came about. Not that he actually thought he had a chance with Niall….but….well, it’s hard. Liam just wishes that this wouldn’t be their first time naked together like this. Wishes that instead, it would have been during their first time. He shakes his head, hard, because he needs to stop thinking like that and focus on the project at hand: wash Niall.

 

“C’mere, Ni,” Liam’s saying, grabbing him and spinning Niall to face him. Niall looks better. Liam pushes the hair out of his face, and swipes his thumbs over various parts of Niall’s cheeks and forehead, washing any dirt out there. His hair is next, and Liam’s quite glad he’s washing it because he doesn’t exactly know what kinds of liquids were in there previously.

He’s taking his time rubbing the pads of his fingers on Niall’s scalp when Niall starts talking,

 

“Thank you Liam. You always do this, take care of me. And just…thank you. I’m not easy to put up with and I know that. But you always do. You’re the best, Li.” Liam smiles. He almost sounds sober, surprisingly enough.

 

“It’s alright, Niall. We’ll get some rest and then we can talk some more in the morning, kay?”

Niall nods lazily.

Liam’s about done washing his body, now. He’s gone over his shoulders and down his arms, and he gets a familiar drunken giggle when he reaches Niall’s groin, so he backs up and lets Niall do that. He swipes down his leg, and then takes his time rinsing the boy. Now Liam has to wash himself, because he’s all gross from hugging Niall.

As Liam does, Niall shamelessly just rests against the shower wall and watches Liam clean off. Liam’s hoping Niall is too drunk to remember this tomorrow.

 

Once they’re out, and Liam’s dressed them both, he lays down with Niall. And just like every night that he’s drunk, Niall wants to cuddle close. And obviously, Liam doesn’t protest. He lets the boy writhe in close to him, and he wraps his arms around Niall. And neither of them struggle to go to bed.

 

 

It’s morning, now. The hardest time of day for a Niall who’s been drinking the night before. Just like always, Liam will help him through It.

 

Liam’s up first, and decides to go ahead and make some tea and bring two mugs to their bedroom. And then he sits and watches Niall for the next half hour as he sleeps. Eventually the smell of tea wakes Niall up, and he stirs a little.

 

“Hey,” Liam whispers, placing a hand on his shoulder. Niall mumbles something into his arm, which is covering his face to try and block out the light streaming in through the windows. Liam notices and goes to close the blinds, dims the ceiling light even more so it’s almost completely black in the room. Then, he crawls back under the covers with Niall.

 

“I made you some tea,” he says, softly. He doesn’t want to startle Niall.

 

“I noticed, thank you.” Niall finally says, his face uncovered, trying for a smile. He looks hung over but not…not gross. He actually looks unusually fit. Rough but clean.

 

“We can wake up first, then talk, yeah?” Liam speaks slowly. Niall nods. He eventually sits up and leans back against the headboard. That’s when he actually looks at Liam, and yeah, Liam decides, he looks pretty damn nice for a hung-over person.

 

“So…tea?” Niall says, and Liam smiles. He reaches over to the side table where he had set the two mugs, and removed the small plates he had put over the tops (that way it would trap the steam, and keep them warm longer), and handed one to Niall.

 

“Thanks, mate,” he says, before taking a drink , “s’really good.” he says as a follow up.

 

“Thanks.” Liam says, takes a sip, and decides it is pretty good. Not as good as Lou’s, but still. It’s a good attempt.

After a moment of silence, Liam draws in a breath and decides to go ahead and address what’s on their minds,

 

“You know we’re going to have to talk about last night at some point.” Niall looks around the room a little before looking into Liam’s eyes. He looks a little sorry, and a litte nervous.

 

 

“Yeh…jus don’t want to.” Liam nods, because he understands. He sure as hell doesn’t want to talk about it either. But he promised himself that he would implement step one.

“How about we can go sit on the couch, and you talk as you want to tell me things. And I’ll just ask questions if I don’t understand,” Niall nods.

They get up and move to the small living room that joins with the kitchen. They sit abnormally close on the couch, with Liam’s arm wrapped around Niall. Liam quite enjoys this, because Niall is sober and he’s letting them cuddle. That’s a good thing.

Liam flips the TV on to some show, some kind of crime investigation fictional thing and it might be interesting if Liam was actually watching it, but he isn’t. He’s staring at the screen while focusing all his attention on the warm body next to him.

 

About 5 minutes into the show, Niall breaks the silence,

 

“I’m not an alcoholic,” is what he says, And Liam turns his head to look Niall in the eye. Liam nods. Internally, he’s relieved as hell,

 

“I don’t even crave it, really. It….it just helps. I don’t know, It just seems like the right thing to do in the moment. Drink. Just drink  _a lot_  and then I wont remember….” he trails off, he isn’t looking Liam in the eye anymore. And Liam goes from relieved to incredibly nervous. But he doesn’t push,

 

“I’m listening when you’re ready.” is all he says, and he says it quietly. He can see Niall nod out of the corner of his eye. He also sees Niall wipe something off his face. And if Niall is crying, Liam doesn’t know what he’s going to do because he cannot physically  _stand_ to see Niall crying. He rubs circles into Niall’s bicep with his thumb.

 

Twenty minutes. That’s how long Liam estimates it is until he talks again,

 

“The drinks help me not care so much about what I do….what I do when I’m drunk. I….I don’t even know why I need it so much or….or why I let myself give in. But if I drink, none of the consequences matter and I’m free to just do what I need. And I don’t   _like_ what I do, but I don’t really know….I don’t know anything else. Don’t know what else to do.” Liam can see, now, that Niall is crying. Not sobbing or anything, just a few gentle tears trail down his rosy cheeks. Liam hugs Niall closer in to his chest,

 

“What happens, Niall? You can tell me.”

He’s praying that his question was okay to ask. And Liam thinks he already knows the answer but he’s not sure, and he has to know.

 

Two hours. That’s how long it is before Niall stars crying harder. And he still hasn’t said a word. The show ended long ago, and there’s some other telemarketing thing on but no one notices. It’s just Liam completely wrapping Niall up in his arms, laying with Niall, and waiting. When Niall starts crying harder, Liam pays attention. Niall still won’t look at him. He’s staring into space, but it’s okay, because he’s talking now. What’s not okay is what he’s saying,

 

“So many girls, Liam. There’s so many and not one of them deserves it. Not one of them should be used like I use them. I don’t even know their names. I- I can’t even remember faces. That’s fucked up, Liam. It’s not supposed to be like this.” Liam is fighting hard to not throw up. It’s not gross, what Niall’s saying. Well it kind of is, but Liam’s thinking more about how terrible it is. And how sad it is that Niall doesn’t want to do this, but he can’t help it.

And he’s wondering what Niall’s meaning exactly. There’s too many possibilities and some of them are too bad to consider,

 

“Wait, Niall. Just….you’re not…. forcing them ….right?” Liam is being overly cautious about his tone and volume of his voice. Niall is shaking his head quickly,

 

“No, no, god, no. I couldn’t ever do that.” Liam is letting out a sigh of relief in his mind, because he wasn’t sure what he would do if Niall had said he had raped girls. That would…no. That’s unthinkable. That would never happen and that’s just sickening and- Liam’s done thinking about the R-A-P-E word,

 

“And….and you’re….Niall, please tell me you’re being careful.”

 

“Always. Always, Liam. I…” he swallows a bit, “I always have condoms and I make sure they’re…that whoever it is, that they’re clean.” and its grotesque that Niall’s saying these things, but they have to be said, don’t they?

 

“Niall…look at me, Ni.” Liam has to ask. He needs to know. Niall forces his eyes to look at Liam,

 

“How many girls, Niall? That’s what I need to know.” Niall’s definitely sobbing now, griping Liam’s shorts with a closed fist,

 

“Too many. Way too many.” he says, and Liam’s pretty much crying now, and he’s scared he’s going to have to push a harder until Niall continues,

 

“At least one each time I’m drunk. Usually more, though. Usually-” he chokes back another sob-

” usually three or so,” and yes, Liam is properly crying now. Niall is so, so embarrassed and he’s not okay; he’s not. Liam’s holding him just about as close as physically possible, and hushing him.

 

“It’s okay, Niall. Just breathe. Let’s just talk, okay?” Niall nods, and tries to take breaths. Liam gives him about two minutes to recover.

 

“Do you…is it an addiction? Do you think you have an addiction?” Niall is thinking hard about this one.

 

“I…maybe. I don’t know, and I don’t really care what it’s called. I just want it to stop.” and Liam nods, he’s stroking Niall’s cheek now.

 

“But, you know if it…if it is an addiction, it’s not like you can just stop. You just have to…you have to find alternatives.” Niall looks a bit confused, because it’s not like alcohol or drugs where you can slowly decrease the amounts, no. Not at all. These are people Niall’s using. You can’t just lower the amount of girls until it stops.

 

“But what?” is what Niall asks.

 

“Well…I would say first, stop drinking. Because that’ll only lead to it. And I would…well…you’re still going to…to crave it aren’t you?” Liam is speaking a little shaky.

 

“Can we stop calling it ‘it’? Were old enough, can we please just say it? It’s sex. Let’s just say it like it is.” Liam’s stomach knots at the words, but he nods.

 

“So, the only issue still is…where are you going to be able to get- to get sex,” Liam’s having a hard time saying it,” without all those random girls at the pubs….” and Niall nods.

 

And suddenly, Liam is actually  _nauseous_ At the idea that comes to his head.

 

“What?” Niall says, and Liam looks confusedly at him.

 

“What do you mean, ‘what’?”

 

“You just thought of something. What was it?”

_Fuckinghell._  Niall could read Liam like an open book.

 

“I-nothing.”

 

“Liam, tell me.” and Niall almost looks a little angry.

 

“Tell me.” he says again. Liam’s freezing with fear.

 

“I-nothing. Nothing, Niall, I wasn’t-“

 

“Liam, if you don’t fucking  _tell me_ I’m not going to be alright. Because this is an actual problem, and I  _need_  a solution.” Liam’s about to start crying again at how sad Niall looks.

 

“I don’t want to say…” is what Liam says, and that’s about the stupidest thing he could have spoken.

 

“I don’t care.” Niall says, and he’s being harsh. And he’s realizing it. And Liam isn’t reacting well, so maybe if Niall just…if he’s softer.

 

“I’m…Liam, please.  _Please,_ ”  he’s trying the gentle approach now, and Liam likes that much more.

 

“Liam…I just, please tell me. Any solution is a good one right now.”

Liam looks at him a little longer before Niall lets out a choked

 

“Please.”

 

And Liam melts.

 

Liam is thinking. Thinking about how to say this, and how to not make it sound like Liam wants it, and trying to just make it sound like an okay solution, when in reality it’s about the worst possible thing. What he says just about sends Niall over the edge.

 

 

“You can use me.” Liam whispers.

 

 


	3. ✚ Chapter 3 ✚

Niall’s eyes are wide and he’s getting up off the couch, stumbling away from Liam and Liam doesn’t know  _what the hell_ he did wrong. Niall was bisexual. He told Liam. Liam was bisexual . He told Niall. so that couldn’t be gross. Was it the friendship thing? The fact that he was offering that and he was Niall’s friend or…or what was it? What did he do? He was…he was just trying to help, that’s all. That’s all Liam wanted was to help- not…not scare Niall. That was the #1 rule of this whole plan: do not scare off Niall. And…and that’s what he’s doing, and that’s not good.

 

“No.No. No, no, no,  _no”_  Niall is saying, and Liam can’t stop him when he runs out the door in his boxers and a t shirt. He can’t possibly catch up to him, Liam can’t do anything but watch The door slam.

 

Niall doesn’t have a cell phone with him. He doesn’t have any other clothes. There is no telling where in Paris he is. So Liam sits on the couch, and cries, and thinks- thinks way too hard- and chews on the back of his finger until its bleeding. He’s the very definition of miserable.

 

It’s an hour until Niall comes back. And Liam meets him with a hug, doesn’t really care if Niall didn’t want the hug. Niall talks first.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I…did that” he says. Liam nods.

 

“Just… _why_?” Niall sighs,

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I just…I’m absolutely disgusted with myself. Your my very best friend. You’re pretty much my everything. And I just can’t deal with the fact that I dragged you into this, and you’re offering yourself to me, to help me- that isn’t okay. You shouldn’t have to do that. I shouldn’t need sex that bad that I have to get it from my very best friend. It’s wrong, and that’s just…it’s just horrible. It’s fucked up, is what it is. I can’t do this to you.” Liam cringes a little at the blunt choice of words, but tries his best to help Niall. He hugs him again.

 

“You aren’t dragging me into this. I wanted to know. I want to help. I’m the one who offered it, and all you had to say was no. I knew it was a terrible idea, but…but you just wanted me to tell you. I’m just trying to help, and I can’t stand seeing you come home like you do every night. I can’t stand you hurting like you are and just sit on the side and act like it’s not happening. I just figured…I guess I was just thinking that it was better

To have me here, to…use me, rather than some stranger. Because I’m your Friend, and I won’t tell, and…I don’t know, I’m sorry, I-“

 

“Do  _not_  apologize.” Niall says, not rudely, but surely,” it’s not your fault.”

 

“Fine, I won’t. But it’s not your fault, either, okay? And I know…I know it isn’t ideal, but… Well, I…can you think of a better idea, Niall?” Liam isn’t challenging him or being bossy, he’s wondering. And Niall’s thinking and thinking and the only thing he can come up with is,

 

“I’ll just quit. I would rather quit than make you feel obligated to help me.” And Liam is already telling him,

 

“That is  _not_  a good idea. People who quit something they’re used to like that- just all at once, that just leads to relapse. And I can’t have you relapsing.” Niall sighs frustratedly.

 

“I don’t know what to  _do_  Liam. I’m so…I’m so confused.”

 

It takes every ounce of effort in Liam to not lean forward and kiss Niall.

  _Every. Ounce._

And he’s  **this**  close to doing it anyways, but Niall’s walking past him and flipping down on the couch. Wouldn’t it be ideal, to tell Niall how he felt? To just say  _‘hey idiot, I fucking love you, okay?’_  Wouldn’t it? But really, no, it wouldn’t. Because it would make Niall more confused and he’s probably hate Liam and that would just be bad. It would be really, really bad. So once again, he puts on a little mask and walks back over to sit next to Niall.

 

“Don’t you think it would ruin our friendship?” Niall mutters. Liam answers him wholeheartededly this time. This isn’t an answer persuaded by how much he wants Niall to kiss him, no, it’s Liam’s opinion as Niall’s beat friend.

 

“No. I think it would make us closer.”

Niall gives him a look.

 

“Seriously. I would just be helping you get over this…this addiction, or whatever. It wouldn’t be bad unless we made it into something it shouldn’t be. It’s…it’s just sex, it’s just a way of helping you. If it were alcohol or drugs or anything else I would help you.” Niall’s nodding, and Liam isn’t exactly sure what that means. Liam is hurting, silently, because he doesn’t want it to be just sex. He hates the fact that he’s going to have to act like he doesn’t like it, that he doesn’t mean it as anything other than physical pleasure. His and Niall’s first time should be…should be lovey. Emotional and pure. But it’s not going to be, but it has to be like this. Because it’s not like it’s Niall’s choice to have this addiction. So Liam will do it. For Niall.

 

 

“Also…I don’t…I don’t quite think you understand how  _often_  I…I need to. Like…it’s every day, Liam. I can’t put you through that.” Liam can’t come up with a counter argument for this. Niall’s right, really. That’s a lot of sex. And Liam has only had sex twice in his life (once with some girl in 11th grade- Ew. And once with Zayn. And both of the boys had chosen to completely ignore that for the rest of forever.)

 

“I…I can adjust. Or maybe, once or twice, we can get like…”

 

“Please, tell me you are not about to say one of the other boys.” Liam blushes. Niall rolls his eyes.

 

“No. We can’t tell everyone about this, Liam.” and then Niall has an utterly scared look on his face. Like, genuinely scared. He looks like he just saw a ghost in the corner of the room or something.

 

“Liam. Liam, please. You’ve got to promise me your going to keep this a secret.” his voice is a whisper. Liam leans in immediately to give him a hug.

 

“Yes. Yes, Niall, of course.” he’s almost forgotten what a Niall hug feels like. a real one. It’s warm and nice and strong and- gosh, why can’t Liam just tell him how he feels already?

 

“So…what exactly are we agreeing to?” Niall is blushing profusely. Liam takes in a breath, because he really doesn’t know.

 

“You just…you just tell me when you need sex, and I’ll…I’ll do my best to help.” Liam can’t quite believe this is happening, and he’s making it official when he says those words. Niall is hesitant.

 

“And you’re going to stay my best friend, right? This isn’t going to freak you out and lead you running away?” Niall bites his lip after he’s done talking.

 

“Of course not. I don’t think I could leave if I tried.” and that sounds a lot more lovey-dovey than Liam intends, but Niall doesn’t seem to notice.

 

“So when does this start?” Niall’s smiling a little, and it’s such a relief because he hasn’t seen the kid smile almost the entire day. Liam glances at his phone. It’s 7:56 Pm…

 

“Are you…are you okay right now?” Liam asks, shyly. Niall shrugs,

 

“M’fine. Don’t need it. How about an early bed time?” Niall says, but Liam has a better idea.

 

“how about we make cookies and watch toy story?” Liam’s giving a cute little smile, and Niall succumbs to his wishes.

 

“Sounds perfect, Payno.” Liam smiles at the nickname.

 

Making cookies turns out to be a little more involved than Liam had planned. They actually make the dough just fine, and lay them out on the tray and they look rather delicious before they’re even baked. But then Liam’s licking some of the cookie dough off his thumb, then his first finger, and he realizes Niall is staring. And then he realized what he’s staring at.

 

“Liam….” Niall says, his voice is extremely quiet. Liam immediately

Draws his fingers out of his mouth and apologizes

 

“Sorry-I…sorry.” Niall is just fixated though, Liam can tell he’s trying he’s trying hard to concentrate. And Niall is trying  _hard_. Trying not to push Liam up against the wall and get some relief. He withholds, though.

 

“You okay?” Liam asks.

 

“Not really.” Niall says. And Liam can’t really help but glance down at Niall’s shorts, and yeah, he’s not okay.

 

“I’ll…I’ll put these in the oven, you go… do whatever you need, okay?” Liam says, and Niall just takes a deep breath and looks a little uncertain. He’s trying so hard and it’s not really working.

 

“Niall, you’ve got to try. You’ve got to just…just try, and we’ll go from there.” Niall Does it for Liam. He nods so that Liam can be okay. He finds every ounce of self control in him for Liam. And he actually thinks this whole thing might work, because Liam is a good motivator. He doesn’t want to have to use Liam, so he’s going to try a hundred times harder. So he goes to the bathroom, and he gets himself off with much effort, and the orgasm isn’t satisfying. But, for Liam, he walks back out into the kitchen. Liam smiles, leaning up against the stove.

 

“Better?” Niall sighs,

 

“Eh.” is what he says.

 

“You gonna make it?” and Niall laughs. He laughs. And that’s about as much as Liam needs.

 

“Well s’not like I’m gonna die. I’ll be okay,” Liam nods.

 

“We’ll just watch the movie and if it gets to be too much then…well, I’ll help.” Niall nods silently,

he’s praying that doesn’t have to happen.

 

“How long do those have?” Niall jabs his finger towards the oven.

 

“‘Bout 12 more minutes. We can start the movie, though.” Niall nods; he knows there is no way he can stand here for 12 more minutes and keep his hands off Liam. As Liam is getting the movie from his bag, and putting it in the hotel DVD player, Niall is flipping through the cabinets. And he finds something that makes him just the slightest bit happier.

 

“Oi! Liam.” Niall calls.

 

“Mm?”

 

“You want some hot chocolate?” he looks up to see Liam smiling.

 

“Yes! They put that in there?” Niall nods. It’s the best thing when the hotels stock the cabinets with good food. It really is. Niall makes the hot chocolate, putting a little bit more of the Cacao mix than needed, but it’s delicious. Sooner than Niall expected, the timer on the cookies is going off. They’re absolutely incredible looking. They had made approximately 2 dozen cookies, and they took the entire bunch of them over to the table.

 

And then come Liam’s favorite part of the evening. It’s not watching the movie. It’s not eating delicious cookies or warm cacao. It’s also quite excruciating, but it’s the best. He gets to lay there with Niall on the couch, with his arms wrapped around the small boy, under a fuzzy blanket and Niall’s practically clinging to Liam. Liam isn’t sure if he wants sex really bad or if he’s just clinging to him because he _wants_  to be close to Liam. And after Niall starts laughing at the funny parts and gingerly eating about 11 cookies, Liam doesn’t think that sex is on his mind at all. That just about drives Liam off a cliff because now he just /wants to kiss Niall so badly it  _hurts_. Niall’s right there and- and he’s acting like he likes Liam and it’s just so- so  _hard_. All Liam wants is Niall but he’s not quite sure what Niall wants. And so he can’t do anything. Can’t do anything but wait.

 

Liam shoves that out of his head and enjoys his warm drink, his 10 cookies, and the perfect Disney-Pixar movie. And he enjoys that regardless of his emotions and the circumstances; Niall’s right here beside him.

 

When the movies over and they’re lying down, Niall waits for Liam to fall asleep. He waits for the arms around him to go limp, and the breathing to become steady and soft. When it does, he lets a few more tears fall. For several reasons.

 

One, he so glad for Liam. So thankful that Liam is here to help him, because there isn’t one other person in the world that Niall would trust with this information. Not one other person that Niall would make this kind of deal with. He’s never had someone be there for him like Liam, it’s so wonderfully assuring. He won’t ever be able to thank Liam enough for this.

 

Two, he’s lonely. He’s got about 10 amazing, _amazing_  best friends, but has no one to call his own. He’d be open to anyone right now. Niall has never in his life had a legitimate relationship and he needs one now. He does. Anyone who walked up to him and  _said ‘hey, I have feelings for you and Would like to date you’_ , Niall would give it a go. Literally anyone. Niall isn’t picky and doesn’t judge quickly, and would love a relationship and would be so  _good_ to whoever he dates; anybody would be okay. Anyone that Niall can develop a liking for, then eventually lovingness. There’s this ache in his body that just needs to go away, and it won’t until he has someone to love and hold. He wonders who that’ll be.

 

Three, he needs sex. Needs it, but can’t bring himself to do anything about it. He can’t wake Liam, can’t get off, so he rolls over tighter into Liam’s arms and tries to find sleep.

 

With the rising and falling of Liam’s chest, and the warmth trapped around him, it’s much easier than Niall expected. He’s asleep in less than 5 minutes.


	4. ✚ Chapter 4✚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut time :)

As per usual, Liam wakes up before Niall. And just like always, he watches him sleep for a while. He plays with Niall’s hair, gently though, so Niall doesn’t wake up from it.

Liam’s just taking in the curve of Niall’s shoulder blades that peek out from under the blanket, the strong arms that wrap underneath the pillow his head is on. And Liam wishes that he could call this beautiful thing his own. _In time_  he tells himself. And he’s praying he’s right.

When Niall is stirring and beginning to wake, Liam lays back down and pretends that he’s just waking up as well. Niall gives him that sleepy morning smile that makes Liam’s heartbeat almost audible, and in no time Niall is completely awake.

“Y’know we have today off again?” Niall says, and Liam nods and smiles. He’s estatic. They hardly ever get 2 straight days off, especially not in a beautiful country like france. Liam decides that they should definitley spend some time outside today. 

“You wanna go on a walk?” Liam offers. 

“Now?” Niall says, a little suprised because the sun is still rising. But that does sound rather appealing, now that he’s thinking about it. Liam’s nodding,

“Yeah, I mean-”

“Yeah, yeah. Sounds nice,” Niall says, smiling. Liam grins at nialls energy. They get dressed (Liam’s trying not to watch Niall) and they sit down for tea before the walk. Niall looks entrancingly  gorgeous today, for some reason Liam can’t quite put his finger on. And it’s only when they take the first step outside and nialls pupils constrict to almost the size of pins from the sudden sunlight that Liam knows why he looks so wonderful today.

His eyes aren’t clouded with a hangover. No, they’re absolutley brilliantly stunning. Liam didn’t even know they were this bright. He can’t stop staring. And since his eyes are blue, they’re more sensitive to the light and his pupils are so tiny now, there’s so much of the teal irises showing and Liam literally can’t get over how delicate and precious they are. Never in his life has he been so captivated by another person that he can’t draw his eyes away. But he can’t.

And Niall doesn’t really seem to notice the staring, because he’s watching the pinks and oranges and purples mix on the horizon. He’s feeling the fresh, dew-filled air on his skin and loving every bit of it. It’s these kinds of things that Niall won’t ever take for granted.   
   
The small parts of life that can seem so insignificant, but are really such a fascination. Niall loves those things. The sun, the air, the trees. The crunch of pebbles on the walkway under his feet.  
Water. Niall’s captivated by water.

Those things.

The unexplainable fascinations.

The simple beauties.

Niall doesn’t know that Liam’s looking at him, now, with heart eyes. Doesn’t know that Liam is actually considering leaning in and kissing him. Doesn’t know that it’s killing him to decide _no, that's a bad idea_  . He’s just taking in the world around him. 

Somehow, Liam snaps out of it. He takes in a breath and watches the sun rise a little, and they start their walk. Liam isn’t sure where they’re going to walk to, but they find this little secluded forest path thing that’s quite nice and green and perfect. And they can’t get lost, since it’s a trail, so that’s an additional bonus. 

About 10 minutes in, Liam reminds him,

“It’ll take us some time to walk back, too.” and Niall takes that into consideration,

“You know I really appreciate you Liam,” Niall says. They’re just looking straight ahead. Niall feels like he’s in the middle of a scene from “Bridge to Teribithia” it’s so pretty on this trail.

“I’m glad to help,” Liam responds.

“You really love me, dont you?” Niall asks, casually.

Liam stops breathing. He tries to act like he’s okay, and he’s about to say “oh fuck, how the hell did you figure it out?” when he realizes; Niall’s not talking about that kind of love. He’s talking about the friendship. Liam loosens up,

“Yeah. Youre my best mate.” Liam responds.Niall laughs. Not like a “that’s funny” laugh, but just a laugh because it fits. Because, well he doesn’t really know why. He just wants to laugh,

“God, I love you.” is what he says, and Liam feels his knees give a little, but recovers in a good manner. 

“So, what do you want to do when we get home?” Liam changes the subject before he can say anything he regrets. 

“Harry asked me to go shopping with him. Somethin’ about a promise ring and Lou, I dunno,” Liam stops walking and gapes,

“He’s proposing?”

“No, he’s giving Lou a promise ring. He can’t propose until the contracts’ up, so it’s until then,” Liam is confused. How…

“How can management let him wear the ring?”

“Well, m’sure they won’t let him. So…guess they’re either gonna put it on a different finger so it just looks like a regular ring? M’not sure…maybe he wont wear it in public.” 

“S’kind of sad that they can’t just be out,” Liam responds.

“I know. I don’t see what the big deal is.” 

“Me either…” 

They’d been walking for a good 20 minutes, and decided it was time to turn around. After they’d gotten back, they hung out for about a half hour before they parted ways. However..the half an hour went a little differently than expected.

They got through the door, and changed, so that Niall looked nice to go out and about and Liam was casual enough for chilling. And that’s when…well, things kind of went unexpectedly. They changed in the same room (no big deal) and as per usual, Liam turned away from Niall to change his boxers and sweat pants, thinking of course it would be a little strange to change so his cock is right out there in the open facing Niall. That would be more than strange, actually. What he doesn’t realize is Niall is staring at his ass the entire time he’s changing, and his attitude is going from normal to Not-Typical-Niall and before Niall can stop himself he’s breathing a little too heavy. 

“Liam,” he says. It’s an odd tone. It’s like…a warning, and a growl, and extremley, _extremely_  sexual. 

And Liam knows something’s not okay. He just finishes sliding his sweatpants on when he turns around, and sees Niall is in nothing but boxers and _fuck_. This isn’t good this isnt good, this is _not_  good. 

“Liam…shit…” Niall starts walking over and he’s placing his hand over Liam’s exposed chest and Liam, while utterly turned on, knows he can’t let this happen. 

“Niall. Think.”

“I can’t Liam, I cant- I need- fuck, I need sex _right now_ , Niall’s eyes are a shade Liam hasn’t seen them before, and he’s trying to stop Niall. 

“Niall, no you don’t. You’re okay, just-“

“Liam. I know I have to give this up. But we agreed, and it’s going to take some time for me to just- be able to resist this urge, and I fucking need this. Please, Niall’s trying to be humane, and almost succeeding, and Liam is thinking _he's right_. He’s totally right. This isn’t something Niall can control, and Liam said he’d help and…it’s time to help. There’s no preventing this. He takes a deep breath,

“Okay. I- you need…you want me to…?”

“Will you bottom?” is what Niall says and, _oh..okay, we’re being to the point here_ , Liam thinks.  He nods, even though his head is telling him _no no no, you can’t._

“Lay down, I’ll be right back.” Liam is a profuse red colour. He didn’t realize just how bad Niall actually..he needs this. But Liam isn’t one to ignore instructions, so he takes his sweat pants off and lays down on his back on the soft matress. It’s not long until Niall’s back with a little tube and a little foil packet, and those two items are making Liam a little nauseous.

“I’ll be as careful as I can, Liam,” Niall looks him right in the eyes and says it, and Liam suddenly isn’t all that scared. I mean, he’s still scared as fuck but he isn’t scared of the physical part anymore. Because he trusts Niall. Even when he’s like this. And yeah, its probably not a good thing that he places so much trust in Niall when he’s this needy, but hey.

He scoots up to rest his head against the headboard, and he’s shyly parting his knees, but Niall is thinking _fuck that_ , and goes ahead and spreads Liam’s legs apart for him. Niall’s toying with his boxers,

“M’gonna take these off.” he says, a warning, and Liam lets the material be pulled down to his ankles, them flung acrost the room hastily. Now he’s kind of embarassed, because he hasn’t been this kind of exposed in front of Niall before, and Niall is quite affected. He’s just staring between Liam’s legs. 

“Fuck, Liam,” he says, dragging a hand through his hair. 

“Just..c’mon,” Liam says, and Niall refocuses,

“Right. Right..okay. This s’gonna feel wierd. Just..wait.” Niall’s putting some of the silky liquid from that tube on his finger, and leaning down a little to place his finger right at the tight ring of muscle, and Liam is actually shaking. Somewhere inside Niall, this registers, and he stops. He leans back up on his knees and looks right at Liam.  

“Hey,” he says softly. He leans in towards Liam, now, between Liam’s legs and up to put an arm on either side of Liam’s head. 

Liam’s hoping that Niall isn’t going to lean down and kiss him. Because it won’t mean anything and that’s _not_  what their first kiss is supposed to be like. But thankfully, he doesn’t. He just gets really close-insanely close- and talks quietly,

“I’m not going to hurt you. I won’t. I’m going to be so careful, Liam. It’s okay, yeh?” Liam is hesitant,

“It’s not…it’s not the pain, it’s- this is all just..strange. I never expected me to do this with you.”

Niall understands, he does, because this is exactly how he had felt when he ran out the door in shame yesterday. Liam’s eyes are so full of panic and Niall tries to fight back the hunger in him long enough to just speak to Liam as his best friend,

“Liam, you’re my very best mate. That won’t ever change, okay? I love you. You mean the very most to me. I’m not taking this for granted,” Liam feels like he’s melting, he’s so pleased, and nods.

His world spins when Niall presses his lips to Liam’s forehead before going back down between his legs. 

  
The slight intrusion makes Liam dizzy, it’s such a new sensation. It’s so painful but nice in an odd   
way,

“Niall,” It’s breathy and nervous. He’s remembering that Niall said it would feel weird, and just to wait, but it definitely isn’t pleasurable at all right now. 

“You okay?” his finger is only In about half way in, and Liam’s got a lot more stretching to do, but he’s already overwhelmed,

“Yeah…I- yeah.”

Niall pushes it in slower, really, really slow, until it’s all the way in and the sensation is going from painful to pleaurable. It wasnt something liam expected- the rush of something delicious down to the area niall was working. Then, Niall crooks his finger a little and Liam kind of arches off the bed and gasps out a little,

“ _Oh_ ,”

Niall looks up to make sure he isn’t hurting, and realizes that’s definitely not what’s happening,

“Wow” Liam says, almost in disbelief that he’s enjoying this. Niall smirks a little,

“Good?” he asks, like it’s a legitimate question. Liam doesn’t say anything, because he’s not supposed to be enjoying this, it’s supposed to just be a way to help Niall, he just bites down on his bottom lip. Niall moves his finger, slowly and steadily in smooth motions and finally decides Liam’s ready for another, so he adds a second. And Liam’s coming undone from this entire experience and he’s trying not to show it, and Niall is watching Liam’s opening constrict around his fingers and _god_  he’s looking forward to burying himself in that tight heat. In fact, he’s getting impatient quickly,

“Another?” Niall asks, and Liam nods. Three fingers are now easily going in and out of Liam, and Niall’s entranced by the way his fingers just disappear inside this boy and then come back out, and he can’t wait any longer,

“Okay, Li,” he says, drawing the digits out. Liam winces as Niall keeps talking,

“S’time, okay? I’ll go real slow. Just..just don’t freak out or anythin like that,” Liam nods obediently and watches as Niall works to get his boxers off, and Liam isnt quiet sure what the hell happens in his abdomen when he sees Niall’s cock. It feels like the muscles are twisting all around and knotting and- god, there’s this heat pooling there too. What the fuck is this? To try and stop whatever this feeling is, Liam squints his eyes shut and turns his cheek into the pillow. His hands grip the bed sheets tightly and it seems like _ages_  before Niall’s hand is back on him.

It’s just really light and careful fingers on his knee. He opens his eye just a little to see that Niall’s got the condom on and he’s slicking some of the lube over himself, and that causes that sensation to come back into liam so he shuts his eyes quickly again. 

If he’s being honest, he’s not sure three fingers was enough to prepare him. He doesn’t exactly know if Niall’s going to fit. And that just sounds- god, that sounds painful. But if the pleasure is going to be anything like what his fingers did, he’s willing to be patient and try this.

Liam feels a hand on his shoulder, then slide off and from the shift of the pillow he’s guessing Niall’s hand is right by his head,

“Alright Li. Relax, okay? It’ll be much better if you just relax.” 

And he feels Niall begin to push into him and h _olyfuckingshit that’s easier said than done_. Liam feels a burn tear through him and his jaw tenses. Nialls barely in him- just the very tip- and Liam can’t take it. Hes too fucking big, liams already having difficulty compensating. The arousal is more than evident when Niall speaks,

“Liam, fucking relax. It’s okay.” Liam tries, tries so hard, and finally the muscles are loosening a bit and Niall can push in a little more. 

He’s going in so slow, it must be insanely hard for him but Liam’s glad he’s being this careful. Eventually, after a lot of little gasps and breath being caught in Liam’s throat, Niall’s hips are flush against Liam’s bottom, and Liam gets to realize how big Niall actually is. He feels completely full- too full- and it hurts like hell, but he’s waiting. Just waiting.

Niall, on the other hand, isn’t breathing. At all. He’s losing it. Cursing and biting his lip and furrowing his brow because _god_  does this feel good.  He hasn’t had this in almost 3 days and it’s such a fucking relief. Nevermind the oddness of the whole fucking-his-best-mate-because-he’s-a-sex-addict thing, this was perfect.

“God, are you okay?” Niall says breathlessly and Liam just nods stiffly as Niall adds, “Just tell me when I can move.”

Niall’s praying it won’t take long.

That moment that Liam’s been waiting for is finally peeking over the horizon. The massive amount of pain from all the stretched muscles is fading the longer he sits there, and it’s being replaced by this awe-strikingly /delicious/ sensation. And then, it gets to be too much and he needs Niall to do something other than just sit there so he says,

“Just go slow,” and Niall nods.

Liam bites down hard enough to bruise his bottom lip as Niall starts the smooth movements in and out of Liam. It’s so good, Liam didn’t know another person could make him feel like this, and it’s so hard to try and act like he’s not enjoying the _hell_ out of it. His face is red and the blush crawls down his neck, and he’s barely sucking in little breaths and he hasn’t made a sound. Finally Niall notices,

“Liam. Your allowed to enjoy this, you know?” Liam opens his eyes to look up at him. Niall leans back down close to his face, “I know it feels good. Jus ‘cause it’s me doesn’t me you can’t like it.”

Liam searches his eyes and finds nothing but trust and care. Even though he usually listens to anything Niall says, he’s reluctant. It would be wrong to enjoy this, wouldn’t it? I mean, he can’t stop himself from physically receiving pleasure because it’s sex and it _is_ good, but he doesn’t have to like it.

He can pretend, or..or just show Niall enough so that he doesn’t stop. But then suddenly Niall does something that Liam isn’t prepared for. His lips are on Liam’s cheek, kissing repeatedly. Then it’s up the side of Liam’s face and their turning into open-mouth kisses over Liam’s cheekbone,

“Is this okay? Can I do this?” Niall murmured into liams skin. 

“Mm, yes.” Liam gets out. _Hell_ he loves the feeling of Niall’s lips on his face just as much as he loves his cock inside him. And now he cant even try and psych himself out and say he doesnt enjoy this- because this is just _good_. He’s not really sure if he’s allowed to ask for what he wants, but figures Niall will get some pleasure out of it too and goes ahead and says,

“Niall, you can-“

“More?” Niall asks. 

“Yeah,” He replies and Niall starts rolling his hips in harder. Liam lets himself moan a bit when he feels Niall brush those special bunch of nerves inside him. 

“Good, yeh?” Niall inquires, still working Liam’s cheek with his mouth.

“my god..” is allLliam manages. Niall goes in a little deeper, Liam can’t really help it,

“ _Fuckk,_ ” he growls out.

Niall’s cursing against Liam’s skin now, because the feeling of Liam around him is a hell of a lot better than he’s showing, and he knows he won’t last much longer from the hot sensation in his abdomen. Thankfully, Liam seems to be coming undone too,

“Niall i- I need to..” god he sounds so needy, that winds Niall up even more. Liam looks almost ashamed that he likes this, that this is getting him off,

“Niall, please-I’m sorry- shit..” Niall understands what Liam’s getting at, so he says as calmly as he can,

“Go ahead liam. It’s okay, c’mon.” like he’s coaxing a puppy or something.

Liam squeeze his eyes and grinds his teeth together as he reaches his high, pressing his head into the pillow. Niall’s quite amazed that he was sensitive enough to come with no hand on his dick at all, and also is quite amazed at the feeling of all the muscles in Liam tightening around him. With that- that sudden tightness- Niall loses it, and lets himself bury deep into Liam one last time as he comes. 

There’s a whole lot of heavy breathing and blushing skin and silence as Niall pulls out and rids of the condom. He gives Liam a little look, to make sure he’s alright, before going to the bathroom to get a warm cloth. When he comes back, he wipes himself off, then proceeds to clean Liam. 

Liam doesn’t say much, just blushes deeper as Niall touches him more until he’s clean. Niall tosses the damp rag on the floor somewhere and crawls up next to Liam. And yeah, it’s pretty awkward for a few moments,

“It’s okay, Liam. You don’t..why are you so embarassed?” Niall tries to be calm and turns his head to face Liam. Liam waits a second, then finally opens his eyes and looks at Niall,

“I- it’s _you_ and it’s just..I feel like it should be weird, doing that with a best mate, not..not good.” Niall sighs,

“But this isn’t exactly a normal thing- this whole thing with you helping me because of..an addiction, or whatever. Besides, it’s not like you can help it.”

“Whadd’yeh mean?” 

“I mean if you like guys, then a dick in your arse is going to feel nice regardless of who’s dick it is.” Liam is blushing a little more than he’d prefer himself to. 

“I..yeah..I know, I’m sorry.” Niall makes a face at this,

“What in the hell r’you sorry for?”

“For not just going with it.” _Oh goodness,_  Niall thinks. Why is he so /Liam/ without even realizing it?  
   
“Liam, I don’t know if this will help the situation or not, but m’just going to tell you, you’re a nice shag, yeh? Dont apologize.” Liam buries his hand in his face, 

“Why do you have to say shit like that?” he mumbles. Niall kind of laughs,

“Like what?”

“All that..that sexual stuff?” Niall laughs genuinely this time,

“Liam we just had sex.” he points out.

“But really, you still don’t have to say that stuff.” Liam’s trying to be innocent and nialls not taking this shit because just moments ago, he was moaning underneath Niall and asking for more cock. 

“Whatever,” is what he decides on, laughing. 

It’s silent for a good thirty seconds before Liam speaks, and it’s in a hushed, almost scared voice. He asks what he’s been wanting to know since it happened. 

“Niall, why did you…why did you do that?” Niall isn’t following,

“What?”

Liam takes a moment,

“Why’d you kiss my face like that?” he sees niall get embarassed and shy and he’s immediatley regretting asking, “No, no, it’s okay I was just- I was just wondering why.” 

Niall nods, and thinks. He considers telling Liam a lie, tell him it’s just the lust that got to him and that he wanted to kiss something, but he doesn’t think that’s fair. Liam’s offered to help him, have sex with him, he can’t just up and lie to Liam’s face. So he sighs, and admits the truth,

“I just haven’t kissed anyone  in a really long time.”

He realizes how sad it sounds out loud. His shoulders are slumped forward and his eyes won’t meet Liam’s and suddenly Liam feels _terrible_  for Niall. And he knows what Niall needs. He doesn’t need sex like he thinks he does. He fucking needs _love_ . He needs a relationship. And it’s the umpteenth time Liam wants to scream at the top of his lungs “I’m right here and I love you, just be with me”, and it’s the umpteenth time he finds the restraint to withhold. He just says,

“Oh.” instead. Niall nods,

“M’sorry. I probably shouldn’t of done it.” Liam shakes his head,

“No, Niall. It’s okay. It’s..I agreed to help you, so…and I don’t really mind.” Niall’s eyes flicker up towards him.   
Liam almost considers asking Niall if he wants another kiss, but realizes that Niall probably doesn’t want to kiss him. He wants someone who isn’t his best mate. Who isnt /Liam/.

Suddenly, Niall’s wrapping Liam in a hug,

“You’re the best. You really are.” Liam smiles, and runs his hand over nialls bare arm. 

“Let’s get you ready to head out.” Liam says, and Niall nods. 

It’s a short time before they’re dressed and nialls fixing his hair (it’s just the way that drives Liam insane), and he’s saying goodbye,

“I’ll be back around 9:00 prolly,” he says, heading for the door. 

“Mkay, I’ll be at Lou’s. I’ll try and come back around then, but If I’m not here just walk down the hall.” Niall nods, and as he’s walking out the door he looks back at Liam and just says,

“Liam? Thanks again. Really,” Liam’s insides flutter a little and he smiles, 

“No problem, Ni. Have fun. Don’t let the paps get you.” Niall smiles,

I’ll try.” and he’s out the door. 


	5. ✚ Chapter 5✚

 

And Liam gets ready as fast as he can to go to Lou’s. It just feels right, to go talk to him. Lou already knows about Liam’s feelings for Niall, and Liam knows all about how this whole Larry-cover-up thing. On the days where Lou just felt like he  was falling apart, Liam would come over and hug him, and theyd talk, and eventually Lou would be okay. Same goes for Liam; when he’d get too saddened by the fact that Niall wasn’t his, he would talk to Lou.

Louis was Definatley the most trustworthy person Liam knew. He could keep anything a secret. And he gave good advice, too. So even though Liam said he wouldn’t tell anyone else about this, he needed to. It was safe with Louis, and Liam needed to talk to someone.

For the first time in a long time he feels grounded as he knocks on Louis’ door and sees Louis’ smile. He feels like maybe everything won’t fall apart. 

“Hey!” Louis says happily,”was’sup, mate?” Liam smiles a little,

“Jus needed to talk.” Louis nods,

“C’mon in."

 

they walk in and Lou heads toward the little refrigerator, asking Liam if he wants coke   
or pepsi, and Liam obviously says coke. 

They sit on the couch casually, kind of turned towards each other, Louis sitting with his leg tucked under him and Liam can’t help but notice how feminine it is. Liam also notices the soft acoustic guitar of Ed Sheeran playing on the radio next to the entertainment center. And he probably shouldn’t ask, but he’s piecing Louis’ good attitude and the Ed Sheeran and the sloppy hair Louis is sporting together, 

“Why’re you so happy?”  he asks. Louis smirks,

“Why do you think?” Liam rolls his eyes,

“You could at least /warn/ me that you had sex this morning on the same couch that I’m sitting on,” Liam sighs. 

“Yeah, well,” Louis takes a drink of his coke and shrugs a little,

“And how’s Harry?” Liam asks, politely. Just making sure that the relationship is as good as the sex is. 

“Really good. S’been really lovey the past few days. It’s nice.” Louis gives him one of those genuine smiles, the ones where you can see the spark in Lou’s eyes. And he feels kind of guilty for bombarding Lou with his troubles, but he knows that Louis likes to help. 

“So, what’s up?” Lou asks,”Niall?” Liam nods, but slowly,

“Yeah..not the usual, though. I..it’s pretty serious, actually. And I hope you don’t mind me talking to you about it.” Liam bites his lip a little, something that makes Louis realize that /something is actually not okay because Liam is being shy around him/. 

“Not at all! I’m more than glad to listen.” Liam smiles a weak smile, and proceeds,

“You can’t tell anyone, not even Harry. Because I’m definitely not supposed to be telling you,” Liam looks at him a little seriously, and watches Lou smile assuringly,

“You know I won’t tell, Li.” 

“Not even Harry?” 

“Not even Harry.” Liam takes a deep breath,

“So, I think you already know, Niall gets drunk a lot. Like, too much really.” Louis nods,

“Yeh, but he’s Irish.” 

“I thought about that too, but that’s not why. I talked to him..he’s not an alcoholic, thank god, but..” he sighs again, and runs some fingers through his hair.

Suddenly it all becomes real. It hits Liam. That this is happening. Of course he knew it was real, but he’s taking it all in now. Like when someone you love dies, you know it happens but it takes a while to really think /yeah, they’re gone/.

Now, talking to Lou about this, he realizes that this is /happening/. And it gets him a little more emotional than he’d prefer. His breaths are shaky. Louis sees his eyes get a little red at the edges and the first bit of tears fill in his eyes. 

“Hey, it’s alright,” Louis kind of strokes his arm. Liam nods, because yeah, it will be alright, it’s just not right now. He takes another breath and calms down, and keeps talking,

“He does it because he wants to make himself forget what he does after. Or, not forget..but.. He won’t think about it as much and it’ll seem okay. It’s like..confidence. ” Louis realizes this must be some serious shit. 

“M’listening.” Louis says, just a little reminder. 

“So what you probably didn’t know was what he does when he’s drunk..”

“No..” Louis says. Liam looks nervous and doesn’t make eye contact as he talks, but he’s glad he finally gets it out,

“He’s had sex with a lot of girls, Louis. Too many. He said up to three every time he’s drunk.”

Louis is quite frankly shocked. He just stares at Liam, and tries not to freak, but lets a little,

“Oh my god,” slip out. Liam looks at him again. Louis is curious about something though,

“He’s not..I’m sorry to be so blunt, he’s not- not rape, correct?” Liam shakes his head immidiatley,

“Fuck no. No, no. Niall could never do that. He’d die of the craving before he’d even consider something like that. And..and, he’s being safe.” Louis nods,

“Wow. Alright.”

“Yeah. So, the thing is..he said he didn’t know if it’s an addiction, or-“

“It is, Liam. Even I can tell, and you’ve only just told me. If he can’t help it, that’s a physical dependance and that’s a sex addiction,” he can see the pain register in Liam’s face, but he felt the need to say it. He told Liam he’d always be direct with him, and that’s what he’s doing. 

“Well…okay, the thing is…fuck.” Liam’s got proper tears in his eyes, and Louis moves to wrap him in a tight hug.

“S’okay, Li. You can tell me.”

“i know..it’s just..it’s really, Er, private.” Louis nods in his shoulder. 

“You don’t have to, Li. But im not judgemental.” Liam nods, because he knows this. And he /wants/ to tell Lou, he really does..it’s just-

  
“It’s hard, I know it is.” Louis says gently. Liam has to, though. So he gets himself together and says it,

“I told him that I would let him use me instead of those other girls. I thought that would be better, because those girls don’t even know him and they’res no telling what kind of diseases anyone could have, so I figured I was a safe alternative. And..and last night, he was okay, but-” Liam freezes. He doesn’t want to say this. Honestly, Louis is a little shocked by what Liam is saying. But he can’t show it, or Liam will, like, have a nervous breakdown,

  
“Liam, c’mon. Your okay.” Louis rubs his back. Liam breathes,

“Right, so, last night was okay. He was fine, we watched a movie and stuff, but this morning..” Louis is nervous now. Liam swallows and his voice isn’t steady anymore, 

“This morning after we went on a walk, we were changing and..he kind of..kind of saw me naked, and- he kind of lost his senses and the..the sex addict side of him kicked in. He really needed it, I knew that. But I was kind of rushed into it, And I didn’t know what to do, I /did/ agree to help him, and I tried talking but he was saying he couldn’t just hold off any longer-“

“before you say anything else, you do realize that that’s normal? Hes going to need it for a while. He’ll have to gradually stop. You can’t expect a sex addict to just not need it any more.” Liam nods,

“Yeh, I just wasnt expecting that side of him, but..but I..I went with it and we…I helped him. I was really, insanely scared for a bit, but…but,uh…,”

“I know, fast forward a bit.” Louis doesn’t want to hear the details. As much as he wants to help Liam, a Play-by-play of the sex isn’t nesseccary. 

“Louis..I..okay, please just..just know I’m not trying to be weird..”

“S’okay, Liam. Talk.” Liam’s beet red and nervous as hell, and it takes every bit of courage to say it,

“It was so good. Like, /so/ good, and I feel like I shouldn’t like it because it was just supposed to be me helping him and-“

“Shut up. Here’s your first problem. You need to realize that it’s sex, and sex is good, and you’re going to like it. Unless the person doesn’t know how to use their dick, then maybe it won’t be,” Liam kind of laughs, and Louis is happy to hear that,” so let that go, alright? You’re allowed to like it…but..Liam?” Liam looks up at him,”that isn’t the problem is it?” Liam sighs,

“No.” Louis leans back against the couch and lisntens to Liam talk for almost a half hour. About how that isn’t what he wanted his first time with Niall to be about, and how Niall kissed his cheek, and how Niall needs a relationship, and how he doesnt think Niall wants to be in a relationship with him, and how he just really goddamn wants to tell Niall that he loves him. And Louis listens to every second. When Liam stops talking, he looks relieved. Relieved that he got it all out. 

“So.” Liam finishes with .

“So.” Louis repeats. Then it’s advice time. 

“Tell him. You really need to tell him that you want to be with him.” 

“I /cant/, Louis-“

“Yes, you can. You can. You just wait until your alone and tell him. And maybe you’ll freak him out, and he won’t want to talk for about a week, and you’ll have to move on. But what I think? I think he’s going to think about it. Niall loves to please people. He’s not one to just reject something or someone.” 

“When? Like..when could I tell him?” 

“Give it a few days, see if this whole thing makes him say something first. And if he does, tell him then. If not, go for it. What’s today, Thursday? Right, make yourself tell him by next Thursday.” 

“Lou..i don’t..i don’t think I can do this.” he looks stressed again. 

“Liam, are you alright having sex with him? Like, is it okay with you? Morally, I mean.” 

“Yeah. Because I’m helping him. I mean, it’s not what I would prefer, but..I’m alright, yeh.” 

“Because you love him and you want to help him, right?” Liam nods. 

“He has to be thankful for you too, okay? I know he must be thankful for you helping him like this. It’s not a little deal. It’s pretty fucking huge. For you to step in like this, that’s admirable. You’re best mates. Just..just tell him, Li. I know it’ll go okay.. promise me you’ll tell him by Thursday.” Liam thinks, 

“Promise.” he agrees. Louis nods,

“Now go back home and relax.” he orders, and ushers Liam out. 

“Love you, Liam.” 

“Love you too, Lou.” 

  
Liam tries to think as little as possible throughout the entire 2 hours he’s alone. He succeeds. He goes on twitter for a while, then tumblr, then watches some football and by then, Niall’s home. He’s smiling and chatting before he’s even properly through the door. 

“Liam it’s perfect! The ring is so perfect, And Harry’s plan is so perfect. He’s gonna throw Lou a birthday party and give it to him then, and Lou is gonna be so happy and, oh, he wants to play ‘Look After You’. Isn’t that cute?” Liam laughs, and hugs Niall, and the smell of the boy sets him back in a trance. 

“So, how are you?” Liam asks. 

“Good!” Niall says, and Liam realizes he wasn’t being specific enough. 

“No, like..r’you okay? You need anything?” Niall looks a little fidgety. 

“I mean, s’not like I would reject it. I’m not..I’m not dying for it. Craving it, yeah. Always.” Liam bites his lip.

“Do you think If you did it while the craving wasn’t  as strong, it would get more tolerable? Because you wouldnt wait until the last second..or..like I’m just thinking, If you’re voluntarily doing it when it’s not like a /need/, maybe you can hold off easier when you do need it?  I dunno, Nevermind..” Liam feels like a bit of an idiot.

“Yeh, actually. Are you..are you offering?” Niall asks, eyebrows raised a little. 

“I guess,” Liam says, a little embarassed that he just offered his arse to Niall,

“Aren’t you sore though?” Liam sighs,

“That’s what I was going to ask you about..do you..do you only like topping or..” Liam’s wishing Niall would pick up on his question. After a moment, he does. 

“Oh. Oh, uh, no. I like bottoming. Like it a lot, really. But..I just didn’t know if you wanted to. Jus took you for more of a bottom, I guess. Plus, I wasn’t really thinking about anything but being in your arse the first time, to be honest.” Niall smirks. Liam blushes,

“I mean, I’m not complaining. I’ll do whatever you’d like I-“

“You can top. I’d like that.” Liam’s a little dizzy as Niall leads him to the fluffy bed. 

That’s what happens. And it’s possibly the second best feeling in the world- being inside Niall. That is, second to having Niall inside _him_. The main thing that does Liam in is seing Niall under him, pink-faced and moaning and _begging_. He begs, he actually does. He’s quite the cock slut, in the nicest way possible. 

Niall likes it a hell of a lot more than he would have thought. In fact, he’s planning on making Liam do that again the next few times. Something about having Liam fill him that much, it sends every nerve in his body crazy with pleasure.

  
Nothing too relevant happens for the next several days. It’s normal recording and lots and lots of sex to help Niall, and Liam’s pleasurabley sore and Niall is _so_  wonderfully sore. Then Liam realizes that, oh shit, it’s Wednesday. He promised Louis. But he pushes it to the back of his head, and says he’ll do it tomorrow. He’s not expecting tonight to go as it does, though. 


	6. ✚ Chapter 6 ✚

 

It’s a normal night, really.

Liam offers, and Niall says yes, and Liam proceeds to fuck him into the matress and then, right after they’re done and clean, Liam realizes what he’s doing.

And he can’t take it any longer.

Can’t take how sorry it is that he _loves_ Niall and he’s having _sex_  with him-but he can’t even tell Niall that he loves him.

All the tension and all the times that he’s held back breaks-

“I’m done,” Liam mutters, rushes out of the bed, goes to the kitchen and gets some water.

He’s clenching he glass hard, leaning over to rest on the granite counter, gritting his teeth.

Niall doesn’t know what the hell happened and he goes to help Liam.

Except he doesnt help.

“Liam-I’m…did I do something?”

Liam barely glances up at him to realize Nialls’ still naked and he’s confused and sad and worried. And that’s what breaks him for good.

Before he knows what he’s Doing, he lifts himself up and throws the glass straight at the wall. It shatters, hits the ground with little clinks that ring through Liam’s already scattered mind. Nialls’ stunned.

“Liam, what’s-” he’s scared. Really scared. Because Liam doesn’t do that.

“Niall, I can’t fucking _take this_  anymore. This isn’t how this is supposed to happen. It’s all out of order-it’s all- this is all fucked up,” he’s sobbing and Niall still doesn’t know what he did wrong.

He runs a hand over his head, and looks sadly at Liam, and just chokes out,

“ _What_  did I even-” Liam thows his hands frustratedly over his head,

“I’m in _love_  with you.” he says, scared and loud and sorry.

Niall stares.

“ _What?_ ” he says, a whisper.

“I love you, damnit. I’m sick and tired of holding it in. I just- I’m just in love with you,” Liam is crying so hard, his whole body racks with sobs, and Niall’s head is spinning because _what does he do_.

Then he’s recalling a conversation he had with himself late at night just a week ago. He said he’d be open to anyone who’s willing to love him. Anyone who would take time in, imperfections and all, and just love him. No matter the circumstance, he just wanted love. Who would be be to look his very best mate in the eye, the one who’s given his whole self up to Niall- the one who is helping Niall get over a _sex addiction_ \- and tell him no? Tell him that he didn’t want that love. That he didn’t need it, that he doesn’t want Liam. Just look him in the eye and break his heart.

He can’t.

There is a lot of things that Niall is capable of, but hurting someone to that extent that doesn’t deserve any hurt is something he cannot bring himself to do. And this is Liam, for fuck’s sake. The very person that Niall would call his best mate. If Liam has been so generous, if they’re already so close, If Niall needs love and Liam wants to give him it- then shouldn’t it be so simple as to say yes?

Most things aren’t this simple for Niall, and maybe that’s why he’s hesitant at first. But it is, in actuality, as simple as it seems. For once, the answer to his problem just requires one single, easy syllable-

“Yes.” he says, softly. Liam looks up, almost confusedly. Nialls sighs,

“I..come here, Liam.” Liam maneuvers around the broken glass and practically runs into Niall’s arms, lets Niall hug him tight.

“I’ll try this, Liam,” Niall says into Liam’s short hair.

“What?” Liam responds.

“I want a relationship. You’re so close to me already, we’ve got this whole deal…I’ll try it. I can be with you,” the words slip off his tongue almost too easy. They just fit, unlike most things surrounding Niall.

Liam has never experienced a happier emotion before because of 5 words.

He looks at Niall with such a smile, and he realizes Nialls’ talking again, because, oops, Liam has been stating at his lips for a while.

“You _really_ want to kiss me, don’t you?” Niall says, smirking.

“I..yeah,” Liam says sheepishly.

“Well go on then,” Niall responds.

And Liam doesn’t really know what he’s doing when he kisses niall, but Niall goes with it and _god_  is it perfect. Niall knows just how to move as Liam does, and it’s definitely the kind of first kiss Liam had hoped for with Niall.

Strangely enough, Niall enjoys it just as much. He wasn’t lying when he said he hadn’t kissed someone in a long time- it had been a _long_  time. Because it had never felt right to want to kiss those girls each night, so he never did. Because kissing is intimate and a display of love, and sex is only that if you make it. Kissing didn’t belong between niall and those random girls. So pretty much this kiss is setting him straight again.

He’s not worried. He’s not thinking about sex. He isn’t thinking about anything but LIAM right now.

It takes a lot more effort than it should for Liam to pull himself away.   
They look at each other for a second, before Niall speaks,

“You’re damn good at that,” he says, smirking.

“Oh shut up,” Liam says, rolling his eyes.

And Niall can’t help himself from  
making the cliché remark,

“Make me,” he says, and Liam doesn’t really think, and obliges by putting his lips on Niall’s again.

They’re breathing heavy now, gasping for breaths when their lips part for fractions of seconds. And this isn’t just a kiss anymore, it _means_  something. A lot. It means that Niall trusts Liam enough to try this, and that Liam is relieved. It means that they aren’t scared, and they’re going into this thing with no fear. How love should be.

Love. Niall wonders if this is what love feels like. The strong muscles in Liam’s chest on his own, Liam’s lips, Liam’s fingertips- is that what love feels like? Because it seems like maybe it is. Feels like what’s described in all those movies and books and whatnot. The fantasy version of love. Niall doesn’t know, doesn’t care, just let’s Liam kiss him alot more that night.

All around the place.

Liam presses him againt the wall, then they’ll move to put Liam on three countertop, then the couch, and the bed. And that’s all Niall really needs.

Liam is buzzing with relief and love and something else he can’t put his finger on, but that’s okay, because he falls asleep with Niall in his arms again. With Niall, everything’s okay.


	7. ✚ Chapter 7 ✚

About a three days pass, and the same thing happens each night.

Louis doesn’t bother Liam with asking ‘did you tell Niall?’, just lets it be.

As for Liam and Niall- they kiss a lot, a _whole_  lot-all the time.

Niall doesn’t ask for sex.

Only has a beer or two a day, and that’s because he’s Irish and he wants to.

They actually get two of those three days off. The other is interview day, which is okay. Then one day, it would have been a Sunday, things change just a bit. For the better, that is.

It’s a bright, sunny day in Paris. The wind is just present and the leaves are swirling around at their feet. Niall makes a game of stepping on as many as possible in the short walks to the car, to the studio. Liam laughs at his precious boyfiriend- holy _shit_  Niall is his boyfriend.

They’re- this is real. He actually gets to tell Niall all the things he thinks of now. And if that isn’t enough to put Liam in the best mood ever, he doesn’t know what is. He gives Niall a little kiss on the head while they’re walking into the studio, just because he can. Because he’s allowed to now. Niall smiles up at him, and even giggles a little bit. God, is Liam totally head-over-heels for this kid.

Recording is a breeze. Someways  
it’s hard to wake up and go sing into a microphone to the very best of your ability, but not today. And it could be the touches Niall is giving Liam on his thigh when it’s his solos, or the heart eyes Liam gives Niall when he hears his pretty voice, or maybe Louis smirking at the both of them when Liam picks Niall up and twirls him around the studio. Nialls laughing like an idiot, and Liam’s smiling like an idiot, and Louis just _knows_. Knows that Liam didn’t break that promise he gave him. And he’s glad to see Liam this happy, because If he had to see Liam go one more night with pain and want _and need for_ this boy, he couldnt take it.

Moreso, Louis is glad he could help Liam. That he was there so that Liam could talk, and Liam could promise /someone/ that he would tell Niall. He knows that if someone hadn’t of pushed him to confess, he wouldn’t. Glad that he could be so important to Liam. Or, to all of the boys, actually.

He kind of feels like the rock of this band, and while some people would be overwhelmed with this responsibility, Louis likes it. He likes having people be reliant on him. It might get a little much at times, sure, like when they’re forcing him to have the beard or forcing him to hand over his twitter password, but it’s worth it. It’s worth seeing the boys this happy. Being this happy himself. Feels that reward of happiness even more when Liam gives him a thankful smile. Louis winks at him. And Liam gives a little laugh, finally setting Niall down.

Some man comes out of the tech-y part of the studio, and tells them they’re doing one more run through of ‘Summer Love’.

They do, and Liam almost tears up when he hears the pretty harmonies Niall sings.

Niall gives him this little smile as he’s singing, Liam returns one.

After they’re done, Liam pulls Niall off into a corner where no one else can see for a moment.

“Hey,” Niall says, and Liam strokes his cheek.

“Can I kiss you real quick?” Liam asks shyly.

Niall doesn’t answer, just puts his lips on Liam’s. It’s needy, and hot, and not really something that should be occurring in a recording studio.

They kind of hum, because wow-it’s nice-before forcing a separation.

“More later, yeh?” Niall offers, Liam nods, eyes just a little wide from how amazing Niall is at kissing.

It’s been four days of kissing Niall for hours each day, and each kiss still makes his stomach do little twirls.

When they make their way back towards the boys, Louis just keeps giving Liam That ‘I’m proud of you’ look, and Liam smiles. When the other boys get distracted with playing the different guitars sitting in a corner,

Lou sneaks in some whispers,

“Told you.” is what he says first, Liam scoffs a little,

“Psh, whatever…” but then he says, “thanks. Really, thanks,” and Lou nods,

“Anytime. I really enjoy seeing you happy.”

“And..you’re doing well?” Liam asks, figures he’d just check.

“Yeah, really well. Harry’s..well, the sex is just insane lately and m’not quite sure what’s gotten into him.”

Liam blushes, but nods. Admires how to-the-point Lou is.

“S’still hard to picture little Harry doing anything…like that.” Liam says, Louis chuckles.

“He doesn’t look the same at all in bed,” then he gives a quizzical look, like maybe that wasn’t the whole truth, “well, sometimes, but..anyway, I’m good. Love him more than the world,” Louis gives a genuine smile; the kind that only occur when something related to Harry is being talked about.

As If on cue, the bouncy curls come out of nowhere and Harry attacks Louis’ lips, and Lou laughs.

“You guys are _sickeningly_  cute,” Zayn says, smirking.

“I know I am,” Harry replies, shaking out his hair and brushing the fringe to the side before giving Zayn a cheeky grin.

“Eh, whatever. Ugly little twat,” Louis says, smiling and ruffling Harry’s curls.

And the rest of that day is perfection. Absolute perfection. They go grab Josh and Joey and hit a club, where they spend most of the night dancing a little too close to all of each other, and then they head back home to watch Titanic; one of Louis’ favorites.

All seven of them cuddle between the couch and chair, fitting as many people on to each as possible.

Harry and Louis call the chair, of course, so Niall sits on Liam’s lap (it’s quite nice) and Josh and Joey are next to each other, and Zayn is in between the lot of them.

A couple of times, during important parts where everyones’ focusing on the movie, Niall turns his head to kiss Liam. They’re just short kisses, but it’s like Niall is saying ‘I really want to get my hands on you but this will suffice for now.’

In complete honesty, Liam is almost overexcited about what is going to happen when the boys leave. The movie seems to last about ten time s longer than usual as he anticipates it.

When they all do leave, Louis giving Liam a little goodbye hug, Niall doesn’t waste any time.

The door shuts, the last person gone, and Niall closes the space between him and Liam, speaks between kisses,

“Don’t want too much- just want -to kiss you- lots - yeh?”

Liam mumbles an agreement, and sort of subconsciously presses his hips into nialls.

“Hey now, Li,” Niall breaks away and looks at him, “You’re horny, aren’t you?” Niall says with his eyebrows raised, clearly amused.

Liam blushes and Niall examines him for a second, before curling his lips into a smirk. He’s whispering into Liam’s ear,

“Y’want me to get you off, Liam? Would you like that?”

Liam’s world kind of spins, and he chokes out a,

“Yes please.”

Niall chuckles, and says,

“Of course, babe.”

Liam freezes.

That little name. Liam hasn’t had someone call him babe before. Niall notices Liam’s reaction. It takes a moment to realize just why Liam stopped breathing, but he smiles when he does,

“Do you like that? You like me to call you babe?” Niall purrs.

Liam snaps out of it, looks into those pretty blue eyes, and nods frantically,

“Please, yeah.”

Niall stands up a little to press his forehead to Liam’s,

“You know, this is the first time I’ve ever had someone else beg me for something. S’always the other way around, " then adds, "I like it." 

He gives Liam a short kiss, and Liam answers. You can hear the love in his voice,

“I’m so proud of you, Niall. So proud.”

Niall smiles a little, before kissing Liam again,

“Let’s sit you down, yeah?” Niall says, and Liam obediently sits on the couch.

Niall kneels down between Liam’s legs, and cranes up to kiss Liam a little more.

Then he’s working on getting Liam’s jeans off, and Liam’s breathing is getting fucked up. He’s almost gasping for air, beause of the anticipation.

Niall finally gets his trousers off, and starts planting little kisses on Liam’s stomach. Particularly, around his cute little belly button.

Liam’s breathing is slowing a little bit, because that’s calming, and feels really nice to have Niall be sweet.

“S’okay Liam. Just relax, yeh?” Niall peeks up at him with those brilliant eyes and Liam takes a deep breath, nods.

Niall slips one, two fingers under the elastic of Liam’s boxers and Liam lifts his hips a little, closes his eyes.

He feels the exposure, the cold air, and it’s completely scary but it’s going to be okay, because it’s Niall and he loves this boy. He opens his eyes, sees Niall kind of just staring between his legs with a completely new expression.

He thinks it’s want.

Niall presses a few kisses to the inside of Liam’s thigh, trailing up and up, and says,

“S’okay, Li,” before putting a kiss on the bottom of Liam’s cock. Liam sighs, tips his head back a little.

Then Niall kind of laps at him, licking little sections at a time and it’s driving Liam _insane_ it’s so good.

Just when he thinks he can’t take anymore, that it couldn’t get any better, Niall presses his tongue to the slit and he moans, now, because if that isn’t one of the best things he’s ever felt. Then Niall’s mouth envelopes him, and the smooth heat of his mouth is just _fuck_.

” Niall..” he breaths out as Niall takes a surprising amount of him into his throat. It isn’t easy, but Niall focuses and relaxes all the muscles and he's able to get almost all of Liam in him.

“Oh my god--fuck,” Liam moans, and that turns Niall on to an even diffrent extent.

Niall sits there for a second, before pulling his mouth off, and he looks at Liam a little shyly,

“You can-” he clears his throat,” you can,uh, fuck my mouth if you’d like..”

Liam blushes profusely, and kind of stutters,

“I-Er,okay.” Niall puts his lips back around him, but doesn’t go very far down, and Liam hesitantly lifts his hips up, sliding himself into nialls throat a little. That’s even better, if possible.

“Oh--oh _wow -_ \- shit..” Liam does it again, and repeatedly until he’s carefully but steadily fucking nialls throat, throwing his head back and biting his lip.

And the thing is- Niall _loves_ this. Loves being the one giving and not receiving pleasure for once. Liam stops him after a little, tells Niall to come up, and says,

“Can you uh..I really like your hands..” and Niall smirks,

“I got you,Li,” he kisses Liam hard, and wraps his hand around his cock. He goes slow at first, but Liam says,

“More, please,” and Niall goes faster.

Liam’s moaning into his mouth and whimpering when he comes. Niall drags it out a little, and kisses Liam to a ridiculous extent. He actually pushes Liam over to lay down on the couch, sits on his thighs, and kisses him like that for a while. He doesn’t mind that he’s getting all messy;the feeling of licking into Liam’s mouth and smelling Liam’s rich vanilla smell makes it worth it.

Eventually his movements are sloppy and he pulls away for a moment, and Liam looks a little stunned, a little overwhelmed with pleasure.

“Hi.” Niall offers, smirking. Liam mimics the smirk,

“Hi,” Liam says, hushed. Niall dips down to kiss him again.

“That was really nice,” Niall says, and traces his thumb over Liam’s pretty cheekbones. His voice is so raspy, if Liam’s being honest, it’s hot as hell.

“Yeah. Yeah, thank you,” Liam replies softly.

Niall absolutely adores the dust of red that starts to appear on his face. He giggles, and continues to trace Liam’s face with his fingers.

“I need a shower,” Liam says, Niall lets him up. He’s so messy and sticky, he looks so cute and happy and embarrassed, Niall can’t help but give him a few more kisses. Liam opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, but just smiles insted.

He goes to walk to the bathroom, but Niall says what Liam didn’t,

“You want me to join?” and Liam turns around with a bashful smile and blood-filled cheeks,

“I-yeah.” Niall smiled inwardly for guessing what Liam wanted.

They make their way to the bathroom (there’s a lot more kisses, pushing the other up against the way and licking into their mouth, running their hands over each other) and get the shower going, and turns back around to face Niall.

And it’s almost certainly déjà-vu, but it isn’t, because Niall is Niall this time. Not drunk Niall. But this same exact thing happened just a short time ago.

And then the wave hits him- joy. He’s so proud of Niall, he just hugs him. Hugs him so tight that Niall can hardly breath, but it’s okay.

“God, I’m so proud of you. You’re so, so much better. I knew you were brave. I knew you could do it. It might go up and down for a little, but it’s all going to be perfect in the end,” Niall smiles, kisses Liam’s shoulder, and realizes _he’s right._

He hasn’t been nearly as needy since they actually have been together. Really, that day that Liam confessed was the last day Niall can remember _needing_ sex. Only a few days, but that’s absolutley remarkable. And it’s all because of-

“Liam. It’s you, Liam. You’re the one that made this possible. You’re..ah, what’s zayn call it-oh-you’re my rock, Liam. Couldn’t have done none a’this without you.”

Liam could break down and sob with love, but instead he just kisses the hell out of nialls face. Niall giggles, tries to get away when Liam tickles his sides, but Liam holds him. Holds him so close.

“I love you Niall.”

It takes every bit of who he is to say it; not like Wednesday when he was angry and sobbing and blurted it, no. To say it with his whole heart.

Niall whispers something. It’s barely audible, but it’s perfect,

“I love you more, Li.”

Liam cries. He does. Not noticiably, just one lone tear that sums up all his emotions. Thats all he’s wanted to hear for the last two and half years, when he met this blonde-haired-blue eyed boy. And finally, _finally_  it happened.

It had only taken a few days for Niall to realize that he loved this kid. As in, not a family or best friend- like, _love_ love him. This Is what Niall needed all along, it was right here in front of him.

After a few, or many more kisses, they step in the shower just to kiss even more. This is when Niall realizes something else. He breaks away from the kiss with a brightness in his eyes,

“Liam, Liam it’s kissing. That’s- s’why I don’t need the sex, it’s kissing. S’better. It’s- it’s more satisfying ‘cause it means somethin.”

He looks so happy, so suprised, _like a kid on Christmas morning_ , Liam thinks, but then realizes thats an odd comparrison because they’re talking about a solution to a sex addiction.

Liam smiles back just as happy, and of course, kisses him. Niall hums happily. He has the most devilish look on his face, and he says in a low voice, That same one he used before their first time,

“Doesn’t mean I’d complain if y’wanted to do anythin else.” Liam glances down at Niall, realizes what he means. He gives him the same smile back, put his lips on Niall’s neck, and wraps his right hand around Niall’s gradually hardening dick. He makes a little “Mmm” noise, to which Liam says,

“I really like that. Really like when you make those sounds.” and Niall nods, mutters an ‘mk’, and Liam coninues going _so_ slow. When nialls completely hard, Liam swirls his thumb around the head, and puts a little pressure on the slit. Niall gasps lazily and lets his head rest on the cold tile.

“This should have been our first shower,” Niall half-mumbles, half-groans.

Liam stops kissing his neck, but leaves his hand wrapped around Niall because he would complain if he took it away.

“What?” Liam says, hushed.

“This should’a been our first shower. Not the other one where I was piss drunk.”

Liam studies him, a little suprised,

“You..you remember that?”

Niall nods,

“Uhuh. Wasn’t too drunk, apparently.”

“I beg to differ,” Liam says, chuckling.

“Y’took such good care’ve me. But this s’much, much nicer. Should’a been this one.”

Liam bites his lip, and thinks,

“Well, m’glad for both of them. They’re both important to us.”

Niall nods again, starts squirming when Liam drags his thumb back over the head of Niall’s cock.

“Mm, please,” Niall gasps, letting his eyelids flutter closed. His lips are just the slightest bit parted, he’s got part of it bit by his top lip. He lets out little huffs and moans, and those are what turn Liam on.

Before he really knows what he’s doing, Liam moves his hand, brings his hips to meet Niall’s, slotting them together so that their dicks press together, making them shiver.

It’s _sensational_.

This is the second time he’s done this tonight; unintentionally grind into Niall. This time is a hell of a lot better though, because they’res nothing but water between them. No clothes to dull the sensation.

“Holy _shit_ Liam,” Niall growls, Liam half-collapses into Niall, lets his head fall on Niall’s shoulder and lets out a deep moan.

“Oh _god_ ,”Liam stutters, moving his hips a little as he speaks. He had surprised himself as much as

“Please-please do it again,” Niall says breathlessly, looking at Liam with blown pupils. Liam looks him in the eye as he does it again, both of them reacting similarly. It’s not so much that it feels so incredible, i mean it does, but it’s more so how intimate it is.

“Thats definitely my favorite so far,” Liam says, out of breath. Niall stands up a little straighter. He stops, looks at Liam, and says a little shyly,

“If you, Er, if you just…get me off now, I c’n show you-like- give y’something I think you’d like a lot more…” he blushes, leaving Liam curious.

“I…okay. Yeh, alright.”

Liam wraps his fist back around Niall and focuses on giving niall his best. He uses strong, fluid movements and kind of flicks his wrist when he reaches the top, until Niall is fighting to stand up straight. Sooner than Niall would like, he’s letting out the deepest groans yet and spilling over Liam’s hand.

Liam kisses him through the orgasm, leaving a warm sensation Niall’s abdomen.

“Alright?” Liam asks, looking at him. He looks at Liam with a pleased expression, nodding and breathing heavy. He has a slight smile to his lips that makes Liam kind of proud.

“I…in here? Or…” Liam trails, biting his lip.

“Bed, the bed. Just..we should probably bring a couple towels.”

Liam looks confusedly at him, hoping they’res nothing _too_ kinky involved here. Niall turns scarlet,

“Oh-just..just for, uh, just for when you come. So you stay clean from your shower,”Niall smiles at him nervously, Liam kisses him.

God, that’s become the solution to everything. Kisses.

“Sure, sure,” Liam responds, with a matching blush on his cheeks. Then adds, “this is kind of ridiculous.” and Niall chuckles,

“What is?”

“This is all happening in one night…and it’s just,” Liam laughs at himself, “I’m not used to sex like this.”

And Niall laughs back, knowing what he means. Sure they’ve been fucking around the past few weeks, but it hasn’t really been…good. It feels nice, of course, but they’res no meaning and its rushed sometimes and it’s just different.

Tonight has been mind blowing. The touches are electrifying, the kisses blur their thoughts. It’s just insane.

“I’m not either,” Niall replies, running a hand through his wet hair. Then Liam leans in, brushes his lips to Niall’s cheek, and whispers,

“I like it.”

And Niall lets himself blush and smile.

"Me too." He responds with. 

"Like... I'm not joking. This is the best I've ever felt before," and he laughs at himself, "Well, physically anyway," Niall chuckles along,

"You're surprisingly good at everything. Not as innocent as everyone thinks, mm?" Niall teases, to which Liam gives a playful slap to his arm.

"Wanker," he says, and Niall gives him another smile.

“I’ll be waiting,” Niall says, kisses Liam, and walks out of the shower, headed to the bedroom.

Liam’s mind is kind of on overdrive. He wants to know what Nialls’ going to do. He’s a person who likes plans,  
who likes to prepare himself for what’s to come- and he can’t do that.

Strangely enough, while it might be making him a little anxious, it’s also making him a hell of a lot more aroused. Knowing that he’s going to walk in to that bedroom to find Niall naked, and that Niall gets to own him for the next little while. It’s an exhilarating thought.

He washes every inch of his skin as well as he can, for Niall’s benefit.

Halfheartedly, he dries off, then wanders to the bedroom. Niall has got two towels laying in the middle of the bed, and one in his hand. Niall hurries to Liam, kisses him good, and mutters a,

“Lay down,” into his mouth. Liam obeys, laying down so he leans against the headboard.

“No,” Niall says,”put your arse here.”

He pats to a spot just below the towels, closer to the foot of the bed. He listens, scooting so his back is on the towels. He props himself up on his elbows, to which Niall says,

“Lie back. All the way.”

Liam’s still confused, but he listens. Niall pushes his legs up towards his chest, moves his knees apart. He’s completely exposed, Niall looks like he wants to devour him and Liam looks a shade of crimson. Niall places the white towel he has on Liam’s stomach, kind of slides it under Liam’s dick, making him blush deeper.

“I-Niall…” he says uncertainly,

“S’okay, Liam. S’gonna feel _so_ good, babe, don’t be embarassed. S’just me.”

Liam nods, focuses on Niall’s palm running up and down his thigh.

Niall has crawled on the end of the bed, bent over so his face is ducked between Liam’s thighs. Liam thinks he’s going to suck him off, which makes so sense, because that’s already happened, but-

“Oh _shit_ ,” Liam hisses, pressing his cheek into the bed.

Niall licks a stripe over Liam’s opening, sucks a little bit. The warm, wet pressing of Niall’s tongue sends a feeling through him that he can’t describe.

It’s more than good. So much more than good. Better than sex, maybe. Now , maybe that’s because Liam and Niall havent had proper sensual sex yet, but still. This is pretty much the utter peak of pleasure.

Liam whimpers a little, squeezes his eyes shut. Niall laps and sucks and kisses and _fuck_ it’s just- just wow.

Niall seems to like it quite a bit too, as he’s sort of moaning and humming.

“You like this?” he mumbles against the ring of muscle, sending shivers up Liam’s spine.

“Yes, god-- _please_ ,” Liam says  
quickly, and Niall chuckles, continuing.

Liam lets out a gutteral groan when he feels Niall’s tongue probe at the muscle, burrowing inside him just a bit. Hes moaning insanely loud, now, to where Niall has to say,

“Liam, I _love_ your moans, but we’re in a hotel. Paper walls, r’member?” and Liam quiets a bit.

He lets his hand find his cock, helps himself as Niall keeps lapping like a kitten.

The warm twisting of muscles in his stomach is becoming more intense. He can tell he’s right there, because there’s a numbing feeling starting to dull his thoughts. All he can feel is pleasure.

“God, Niall. Niall-” and he’s coming, Niall keeps sucking and kissing, until Liam’s ridden out the orgasm, and he comes up to kiss Liam. Liam freaks out a bit, because his mouth was kind of just on his own arse, and that’s _weird_ , but Niall actually tastes rather nice. Just like himself, but salty. Like sweat. And that’s okay, tastes good. Intimate.

“And how’s that compare to the other stuff?” Niall asks, Liam smiles lazily,

“That’s my new favorite.”

Niall laughs,

“S’pretty good, yeh? V’only had it done a few times, I really like it.”

“Mm, thank you Niall,” he mumbles, kissing the boy deep. Niall folds up the towel on Liam’s stomach, wipes him the rest of the way off, and throws all 3 towels in the laundry. He turns the lights off and crawls under the covers, not bothering with putting on clothes.

“Liam?” Niall says, after cuddling up next to him.

“Mm?”

“I…what if I still need sex? Like…what if this never gets better? It’s just at a good point right now?” Liam bites his lip, looks at Niall’s dark silhouette and says what he believes with his whole heart,

“We can’t predict the future, Ni. We have to take it day by day and make the best choices we know.”

Niall nods, cuddles in closer to Liam, and puts soft kisses on Liam’s chest.

“I think I jus might actually be getting better because of you. It’s so sudden ‘nd weird that I could be healing this fast, jus in a few weeks, but I think I am. Think maybe I won’t ever go back to how I was before, Li.” he mumbles into Liam’s skin. Liam smiles,

“I think the same thing, Niall,”and Niall smiles, laughs a little, even.

“Love you,” he says.

Liam sighs happily, says,

“I love you more.”

It’s silent for about thirty seconds, before Niall says quietly,

“Can I kiss you a little more?” and Liam laughs,

“I can’t say I’ll be all that good right now, but sure.”

And so Niall shifts so he’s a little more above liam, kisses him like that.

It’s bullshit, what Liam was saying, because these are good kisses. So good, it continues for a full minute or two and liam leans up a little to kiss back more. They hope it’s never-ending, but unfortunately, it has to stop some time. Niall finally wills himself to seperate, mutters a

“Mm, goodnight, babe.” and Liam says something inaudible back. But Niall knows it was probably sweet.

They fall asleep just as quickly as usual, not an inch of space between their skin.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for how late it is :( hope you liked it, though? X


	8. ✚ Chapter 8 ✚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's lots of Larry angst in this chapter i'm sorry 
> 
> Also Niall's collar bones are a thing and so it should be nice, bc who the fuck isn't In love with his collar bones?

When they wake up, both at the same time, they swear they’re the happiest two souls in the universe. Liam’s eyes are warm and happy, Niall peeks out from the blankets and sees them. He grins a stupid little grin, eyes crinkling up a bit, and smiles at his boyfriend. 

“Good morning,” Liam says, happy. 

“Good morning, _babe_.”

Liam chuckles at the emphasis. The first thing they do is kiss, which isn’t really surprising, but funny. Funny that these two boys can’t last ten whole minutes without this kind of affection. As soon as they do kiss, they pull away, and their faces are both a little twisted in a look of _ew_. Niall says,

“I think we should brush our teeth first,” and Liam laughs and nods. 

They do find the energy to get up, brush their teeth, and then they kiss again and,

“Yeah that’s much better,” Liam murmurs into nialls mouth. Niall’s sort of smiling into the kiss, laughs a little when they go to move back towards the bed and Liam almost trips and falls. Niall leans him over the end of the bed, rubs fingers gently over his chest and feels all the muscles, loves the feeling of Liam’s skin.

Then Liam’s hands are roaming, moving around nialls chest and he finds something that will become forevermore one of his favourite physical features of Niall. His forefinger traces over Niall’s pretty right collarbone, and all other movements freeze. Niall lets out what could be considered a moan, but maybe just a pleasured sigh too. It doesn’t really matter, it just matters that _damn_  that felt nice. And the stranger thing is, Liam likes it just as much.

  
Everyone has those things they love about other people.  
For Harry, it’s Lou’s tummy.   
For zayn, it’s Perrie’s smile.  
For Louis, it’s Harry’s dimples.   
For Niall it’s Liam’s lips.

 And for Liam, it’s Niall’s  collar bones. 

Now there’s more things, but these frail little curvatures in Niall’s chest just _do_  something to Liam that he can’t quite explain.  

They stop kissing, Liam looks at his collar bones, and Niall stares at Liam. Nialls breathing is a little heavier as Liam keeps tracing over them.

“Can I…” Liam says, quietly, before leaning up to put his lips on the bone. Niall exhales shakily, and responds,

“Yeah…yeh that’s nice.”

Liam’s tongue peeks out and caresses the skin and Niall’s arms get a little shaky, he pretty much can’t hold himself up so he warns,

“Liam. _Liam_.” and Liam stops, looks at him,”I…I gotta lay down if you’re gonna do that.” he kind of laughs, Liam does too, but he obliges. 

They move around so Niall’s laying down, Liam smiles at him before putting his tongue back on his skin. Niall moans a bit, just for liam, and lets this happen. 

And God, does it feel good. Liams kissing all over both of his collar bones; wet, warm, open-mouth kisses that send nialls skin crawling with a nice heat. It goes on for several minutes before Liam slows down, gives a few more little kisses to nialls neck and lips, and comes up.

“That was a fucking nice way to wake up,” Niall laughs.

Liam smiles, kisses his cheek, and sits up, ”So you like kisses on those collar bones a’yours, do yeh?” Liam teases,

Niall blushes, ”maybe.” 

Liam gives him a calming little rub on his shoulder,

“S’okay, You’re not the only one..I  really like your collar bones, actually. Dunno why.” 

Niall blushes more,

“Thats a good thing I guess,” he says quietly, then adds, “guess that’s one of our first kinks, huh?” and it’s Liam’s turn to blush, _hard_. 

He tries to cover up with a laugh, but that kind of fails. 

“Kinks?” is what he says. Niall laughs,

“Yeh. Like..weird things that-“

“I know what kinks are you twat,” Liam cuts in, rolling his eyes. 

There’s silence for a few more seconds before Liam talks again,

“Do you…do y’have any more? Kinks, I mean. Like…” Niall nods, Liam is attentive.

“Eyeliner, I think,” Niall states.

Liam raises an eyebrow.

“Weird, idn’it? I didn’t really know until I saw Zayn on Halloween that night, with that makeup on? And it’s not like I find Zayn all that attractive, it’s just…I dunno. It makes boys…prettier.” 

Liam’s lips curl into a bit of a smile,  
“Does that mean youre planning on me wearing eyeliner sometime soon?”

 Liam’s words make Niall a little embarassed, true, but more than that, he’s picturing Liam with eyeliner and _wow_  he needs to see that in real life. 

“I- if you..if you wanted, I don’t really care, I-“

“I’ll do it. For you, sometime. We can try that.” 

This whole conversation is _seriously_  turning Niall on, and all he can do is nod. Liam keeps talking,

“Not now, cause we’ve got work in…” he glances at his watch,” shit..shit, uh, 20 minutes. Shit, we gotta get ready.” so they kiss some more really fast, and rush like hell. 

In 5 minutes, Paul will be knocking on thier door to get them to the radio  headquarters for interviews. Niall can’t properly fix his hair, but he tries, and grabs some jeans and a plain colored t shirt. 

Liam doesnt like looking thrown together, but too bad for Liam, because that’s what’s happening. He puts on the best he can find and figures Lou can help him after she’s done putting their makeup on. 

Paul’s knocking on the door, and Liam gives him one more kiss before they open the door to Paul, and they’re Liam Payne and Niall Horan from one direction now. There’s no more kissing. 

It’s a hell of a long day. Liam ends up nearly having a panic attack until Lou fixes his hair and makeup, makes his clothes look suitable, and he calms a little. 

Niall whispers,”you look really nice,” in his ear, gives him a little smile, and Liam is okay now. Everything is okay. 

The interviews go smooth, until the last one. Until ‘Larry Stylinson’ is brought up and Harry isn’t okay anymore. Louis is tense and he doesn’t want to talk for the car ride. Harry just starts crying as soon as they’re back in the van, Zayn comforts him because Louis is too pissed. This is always what happens.

Louis just gets plain angry, because who are these people to tell him he can’t love who he wants? Who the fuck are they to say he can’t kiss his hazza bear in front of people? Why can’t he? Why does he have to fake stuff? It isnt fair, no matter how you look at it. Then he glimpses over at Harry. Sobbing, broken, Harry. Sees his tattoos. The tattoos that are only there to express things that are forbidden. They’re for Lou. And he can’t do this. 

Louis doesn’t cry, he never cries. And he’s crying now. He’s holding Harry, thanking Zayn before just holding Harry tight. And he prays, just _hopes_  this will all be over soon. It’s November of 2012, it’s been 2 and a half years of hiding this. It had better fucking be over soon. 

Harry can’t even describe the pain in his heart right now. This was already bad and now Lou is _crying_. Like, actual tears. Louis can’t cry. Doesn’t cry. Harry has never felt love for anyone, anything in his life more than he has for Lou. He literally loves Louis more than anything else that’s ever been. More than himself. He wouldn’t even think before taking a bullet for Louis. He loves seeing Louis happy; _has_  to make sure Louis is happy. And he’s not happy now and that just is not okay. He tries kissing Louis on the cheek repeatedly, on the mouth a few times, but Lou doesn’t even react. His eyes are faded, he just looks broken. And they’ve still got one more interview. Fuck.

They make it through, Louis doesn’t say hardly anything and when he does it’s distant and fake. Harry tries to fake his way through it, being fake happy with a fake smile and he speaks lies. Liam helps a lot, even though it’s just as hard for him because he _hates_  seeing Louis like this. If Louis is like this…then the rest of them are like this.

When it’s over and they’re back in the car, they all kind of cuddle in the back. Louis let’s Harry kiss him; kisses back some, but decides they should stop in front of the other boys. So they do, Liam and Louis have a conversation through eye contact. It basically consists Liam saying ‘are you okay’ and Louis says ‘I’m with him, it’ll be okay eventually’. 

Liam gives him a little half hearted smile and they leave it at that. When Liam looks at Niall, then, his stomach does cartwheels and he’s looking forward to getting home. Looking forward even more for what he has planned tomorrow evening.

He makes plans in his head before he goes to sleep, and puts him into action as soon as possible.   
Which..he finds, isn’t going to happen as soon as he’d like. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm realllly bad about updating things on time >.


	9. ✚ Chapter 9 ✚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut yay

It’s a travel day. To Germany. So he gets to sit on a plane next to Niall for however many hours it is (too many) and try not to kiss him. And he can’t help it a few times, he leans over, takes Niall’s face in his hands and kisses him hard for a few seconds. Niall needs it as much as he does.

Its a longggg fucking flight. They get there at like 3:00 AM or something ridiculous, and they have the rest of the day off. Then the day after that, tomorrow, is the BAMBI awards combined with a few photoshoots. Then one more day off, and then home.

 Niall and Liam cuddle up and sleep at thier hotel rooms the rest of the day, which is brilliant. They kiss a little when they wake up in between the hours, but other than that, it’s sleeping all day. 

When they wake up the next day, Louis calls Liam. He asks him to come to his hotel room, and Liam’s quite confused, but tells Niall he’s leaving 

(- “Liam, babe, why?”

\- “It’s just for a few minutes, love.”

-“No, Li. I wan more kisses,”

\- “Five minutes, Ni.”)

  
When he arrives, Louis ushers him inside and takes off the hoodie he’s wearing. Liam’s jaw drops. 

“Holy _fuck_  Louis. What the hell?” 

His entire body is peppered in inch-long crescent purple and red marks; bite marks. Like hi _whole_ body. All his abdomen, up his neck, down his back, on his arms- everywhere. 

“Harry got really carried away. I wasn’t really thinking abou’ it last night, but I looked in the mirror this morning and was like ‘oh fuck,’ and I don’t know what to do. We  have the awards…management will obviously not fucking let me wear a suit if all these-” he motions to all the bruises on his neck-” are gonna show. I- I dunno what to do.” 

Liam thinks, thinks a good few minutes and blurts,

“Turtleneck. Just wear a black one so it’s classy.” and Lou’s face lights up. 

“Yeh! Yeh, that’ll work. Oh! I actually think I have one…” he disappears into his room for a minute and comes out with a black piece of fabric, and Liam laughs because why the hell did he pack a black turtleneck?

 Louis catches his stare and says,  
“I thought I could layer it or some shit. Dunno.” 

Liam shrugs, then gets closer to Louis. He traces some of the marks on his bicep,

“This…doesn’t that just _hurt_? That doesn’t seem pleasurable.” and Lou laughs,

“Damn sure it’s pleaurable. Really good. My favorite on Harry, s’why he’s always got those marks all over his collar bones and neck. But last night I let him ‘ave a bit of control for once. And this is what happened,” Louis raises his eyebrows and drops his gaze to the floor as if to say _wow_. 

“You okay then? Now?” Liam asks. Louis’ expression changes, to mostly happy but there’s also a little longing. A little sadness.

“I’m alright. Better than before. We’ve talked, and he’s even more wanting to come out than me, but… I guess everything won’t really be okay until all the truth is out.”

 Liam nods, because he gets it. And also…also Liam’s worried if this is going to happen with him and Niall. 

But he stops the thought. 

Remembers that he told Niall to take it day by day, and he knows he should do the same. 

“It’ll happen, Lou. Soon.” is what he says. Louis smiles, nods,

“I think so too.” 

 Liam says his goodbyes, goes back to his room to put some casual clothes on. He’ll change at the first studio, into fancy clothes, for an interview and the awards. 

He sees Niall in those nice clothes, and he’s lying if he says he doesn’t want to bend him over the nearest piece of furniture. He tells Niall this, and Niall has quite a nice reaction. A _very_ nice one. Liam almost wants to whisper more  naughty things, but knows he shouldn’t, so he stops, and just thinks of things he could say and that gets _him_ a little worked up. 

And he’s really, _really_ looking forward to tomorrow. 

The day goes really quick. There’s the interview, then the photoshoot (fucking hell, Niall is so fit), then the BAMBI awards. It’s exhilarating, winning the award, but all Liam can think about is sleep. 

He’s content when he gets to cuddle up naked next to Niall, hold him and pet his head, and lull Niall to sleep.

Fucking finally. A day off where Liam can go to a shop, have Niall gone the whole day, and then return for the evening. That’s what Liam’s been waiting for.  And this isn’t  really as perfect as Liam would like it to be, but it’s good enough. Really rather nice, actually. 

Liam wakes up at 8AM and leaves a note, saying he loves Niall, he’s just gone out for the day. He goes to a local market, and it’s kind of difficult to shop because everyone speaks in a new language, but it’s okay, it isn’t hard to find what he needs.

 He gets a text from Niall around 10 that he’s going to zayn’s, he’d be there all day, and he loves him. And that’s a huge relief. 

After the market, he goes to the nursery to get a couple flowers, goes and picks out Niall’s favourite movie at a shop, along with _a lot_ of candles and a little radio he can hook his phone up to because he doesn’t have one with him. And everything is actually perfect right then. He isn’t late, he isn’t stressed, he’s really excited and happy and _wow_ he hasn’t felt like this in a really fucking long time. 

The first thing he does when he gets home is clean, because their hotel room is absolutley cluttered and that isn’t suitable for tonight. No, tonight needs to be perfect. He slips some headphones on, and restores the area to spotless. Like, possibly cleaner than when they got there. 

The clock tells him it’s half twelve. He goes ahead and starts with the candles, not lighting them, but placing them all over the bedroom. He has to be careful; can’t put them on the nightstands in case…in case they’re rushing a lot, so he puts them on every surface that won’t lead to something catching on fire.

Even though the room is light and theyre not lit yet, Liam knows it’ll look nice after all 30 candles are aglow. The next thing is the bed. He’s smart,  he makes the bed and tucks the sheets in really really tight around the mattress. Then he goes into the bathroom and finds that little vanilla smelly-thingy that plugs into the wall, and dips his finger in the vanilla-scented oil. He rubs it on the bed, and wow, That smells really good so he does it again and the sheets are just _heavenly_ smelling- they’re perfect, is what they are. 

That pleases Liam. 

He then goes and plugs up the little radio by the bed, sets it on the nightstand and adjusts it so it’s perfect. He heads back to the living area, then remembers the flowers and remembers that flowers need water.

 After about ten (worthwhile) minutes of rummaging around for a vase, Liam actually does find one in one of the lower cupboards. He fills it halfway with water and sets it and the flowers in the middle of the small dining table. Then he’s realizing its quarter past three and he should probably be getting to work on dinner. 

He’s not settling for some half-ass fajitas or spaghetti, no, he wants this to be nice. Like, at least four star. And seeing as Liam hasn’t really ever cooked a whole meal on his own, it’s gonna be difficult. 

He looks up enough recipes to figure out how to cook the chicken and the mushrooms with the wine sauce, and then finds out that making mashed potatoes is actually a multi-stepped process. 

He’s glad he started at 3:15. 

He makes the salad first, which is the easy thing and he’s done it before. It’s really pretyt, actually. He’s proud. Sliding that in the fridge, he moves on to cooking the potatoes. He turns up some Justin Timberlake- really damn loud- and he fucking _works_. 

At 4:55, he stands back and admires what he’s just done. All the pretty dishes filled with delicious looking food on the table. Then he remembers the candles, and he’s running again, going to light all 30 of them.

 Yeah, the room looks pretty incredible. He sets his phone on the dock and puts an Ed Sheeran playlist (slow songs only) on repeat. It’ll go until the rest of the night. 

Then he goes and showers. He wants to be clean for tonight. 

Liam then puts on some black skinny jeans so he’s classier, puts on a nicer shirt. He looks in the mirror, takes a deep breath, and smiles. Smiles because this is all _perfect_. 

And then the door is opening, fucking _perfect_ timing, and Liam goes to find Niall standing in the living area, looking at the clean rooms and the table full of food and he’s gaping, and he’s happy. He’s so excited and blown away and he hasn’t even _said_ anything but Liam can tell he loves this. 

“You- for me? This is all- you spent your day doing this for _us_ , Liam?” 

Niall turns to face him, so shocked still, and it’s kind of funny because it’s just dinner, but it means so much. Because Liam tried so hard. 

“Mmhmm,” Liam says, a proud grin on his face. 

“Oh god, I love you.” he says, and he’s kissing liam really hard and everything about this just screams _love_. 

“Goodness, thank you,” Niall whispers, kissing him just once more. 

Liam waits as Niall changes (Liam put some nice clothes in the separate bathroom so Niall wouldn’t go into the bedroom and see the surprise yet) and when he comes back, he’s breathtaking. He’s got simple clothes on, just some skinny jeans and a jumper, but he just looks so _nice_. 

They sit down, next to each other, and they can barely stop smiling long enough to eat. Everything is _really_ good, really super good, and Niall makes sure Liam knows how yummy it all is by telling him over and over. 

They finish up, Liam makes sure not to eat too much, stops Niall early to make sure he doesn’t eat too much too. Niall pouts a little, but doesn’t ask why, just lets Liam take his plate to the kitchen. He comes back with an bottle of overly-expensive wine, and pours some glasses. 

“I got your movie,” Liam says, a little shy, as he sits down,  
“You got The Notebook?” Niall says, joyus now.

 Liam nods, smiles because his idiot boyfriend would rather watch The Notebook than some action flick.

“Can we watch it now?” Niall asks, excitedly, and Liam responds with,

“Of course,” and they kiss again just because they can. 

They go to the living area, sit on the couch. Liam excuses himself for just a second to make sure the candles haven’t burned down the bedroom, and is relieved they haven’t. 

Then they can just lay there. They can sip wine and get just a little bit buzzed and watch The Notebook and just lay there with each other. With no worries. About half way through, when the sex scene is about to come on, Liam starts explaining.

“I know that…I know we’ve already had out first time. And I don’t want to try and _replace_ it, because the first one…it was important. It was about helping you and that’s good,” Niall squirms a little, remembering himself about a month ago,”but I figured that we deserved what every other couple gets. So I…if its okay, I want to have like…” he blushes a lot, and Niall smiles, already knowing what he’s getting at, “…I’d like to have tonight to…to have a proper first time, even if it’s like the 50th time. I lnow were in a hotel and not at home, but-” Niall kisses his cheek, says,

“I would love to,” and Liam breathes a happy sigh, turns to kiss him for real. 

Then it’s happening. Just like in the movie, like what’s supposed to happen. 

They’re standing up, kissing,  slowly making their way towards the bedroom and stopping for the occasional pushing-up-against-the-wall. They’re both buzzing with a little alcohol but also arousal and _nerves,_ as if it’s there real first time. 

Then they open the bedroom door. Niall stops kissing him, and takes it in. The music. The candles. The smell.

Nialls face lights up. But its relaxed, it’s almost drunkenly happy sounding when he says “God, I love you. This is so perfect,” 

There it is. There’s that word Liam wanted. _Perfect_.

Liam smiles, they resume the kissing. Liam lays Niall down on te bed, he’s thanking god for the smooth Ed Sheeran songs because it’s adding _so much_ to this. The smell is lovely, Niall’s  lips taste simply magnificent. 

The soft glow from the candles makes this feel like a movie scene, it casts such a perfect light on everything. Its all so much more beautiful. 

But the kissing is what’s really so amazing. It’s like…it’s so different from anything before because of the atmosphere. The kisses are setting every inch of Liam’s skin aflame with little tingles, Niall is absolutley drowning in the feeling of love from this.  

It’s so nice, so wonderfully perfect and neither of them ever expected anythig this nice, so it’s even better. Then Liam realizes that they’re actually gonna go further than this, that at some point he’s going to end up naked and things are gonna be a lot more intimate. And that’s more than nice to think about. 

He lets it go slow, licking into nialls mouth carefully, dragging his tongue over the roof of his mouth to make Niall shiver.

 Eventually he lets his hands find the bottom of Niall’s jumper, toys with the edge. He carefully slides his hands under, lets his palm feel the warm abdomen underneath before working the material over Niall’s head. 

Niall starts unbuttoning Liam’s shirt, one by one, very gently, and it’s really nice how relaxed this is. It’s not rushed, for the first time. Its not about getting Niall off. Its not about feeling good, its about showing love. Its slow and intentional. Niall is allowed to lazily kiss into Liam’s mouth while undressing him. Actually it’s almost tiring now, how much they’re kissing, but not really beause the anticipation is winding them up. 

Liam’s shirt is sliding off his shoulders and Niall’s cool hands are tracing feather-light over Liam’s arms, down to his wrists. He kind of likes the feeling of Liam’s skin, wants to feel more. So he slides his hands over to rub Liam’s chest, and it’s perfect. His skin is soft and smooth and the muscles underneath are firm, and Liam almost radiates heat. 

Niall feels Liam come up to straddle his legs on both sides of Niall’s hips, and reaches around Liam’s neck to pull him closer. They are practically one person now, the kisses are so deep. 

Then Liam lets himself trace over one of those little bones on the upper part of Niall’s chest- and Niall can’t help but let out a sigh into Liam’s mouth and bite down a little on Liam’s bottom lip because _god_ it’s so much more than good. It’s loving and careful and purposeful and warm and just so purely _good_. 

Liam does it more, and Niall doesnt really adjust to it, per se, but he’s able to focus on the kissing again after a minute or so. Liam moves his lips then, Niall feels warmth start to creep lower down in his abdomen, blood rushing, as Liam kisses his neck. He does it right under his jaw at first, just little pecks, but then he nips at Niall’s ear, licks at his neck and throat and Niall is actually already so turned on its ridiculous. 

The comical thing is, Liam’s probably even further gone. Something about how he’s allowed to do this, Niall is his, and so much more is about to happen- that’s just so _hot_ and god, this is supposed to be about feelings and love but it’s damn hard not to get even a little turned on when you have a boy as gorgeous as Niall horan within your reach. 

Liam keeps up the slow, intentional touches, dragging his fingertips over Niall’s lower abdomen, making the boy shudder. His lips still create pink marks all over the boys’ chest. He figures out that dragging his tongue flatly across the boys’ collar none makes his back arch, and plays around with that interesting reflex for a little while. He gets down to Niall’s navel when the blonde decides this is _too much_ but _not enough_ and he just doesn’t know what to do. He chokes a bit on his words- 

“Li- Liam, please. Jus- somethin, please. Fuckin, just- _anythin._ ” 

He’s trembling a bit and Liam decides its probably a good idea to go ahead and stop teasing, go ahead and get on with it. 

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t take fucking forever to slide down between Niall’a legs and take Niall’s trousers off. Niall’s actually pleading before Liam takes them completely off, discarding them somewhere on the floor. He rids himself of his own trousers, and crawls back on the bed to palm at Niall’s creamy thighs. He spreads them, kneading the soft flesh in a delectable way, before hunching over to lick at the hem of Niall’s boxers. Niall takes a deep breath, not wanting to rush this, but wanting everything at once. 

He allows Liam to take a minute there; licking and nipping along the light hairs that make the trail down Niall’s abdomen. It sends shivers through Niall, something that Liam most definitely likes observing. 

Eventually, once Liam’s satisfied with the teasing, he slips a few fingers under Niall’s boxers, and slips them down. 

And then Niall is naked. And under the soft light; between the light huffs of breath escaping his lungs and the little beads of sweat on his forehead; Niall looks absolutely stunning. Liam wants to help the kid out- he does- but, he just needs to relish In this for a few moments. Because this is special. This is awe-strikingly perfect.  

“Niall- Niall, god, I love you,” Liam pants out, before leaning up and kissing the boy for the hundredth time. 

Niall doesn’t complain or tell him to hurry up; he just kisses Liam back. 

After a minute, Liam slips back down, past Niall’s groin, down to push his thighs apart,

“M’gonna get you ready, love,” he says quietly. Niall nods, offers a breathless,

“Yeah,” and then continues to take deep breaths. 

Liam goes for it- licks across Niall’s opening, nips, licks him open, and Niall just keens; whispers little nothings that say he loves Liam. And he does. Or they wouldn’t be doing this. 

After a lot of Liam’s warm, wet mouth and then a few fingers, Niall’s heart feels close to beating out of his chest and he just needs this. Needs it to just happen already. 

“Liam, love, you can- please,” Liam comes up, draws his fingers away, and looks into Niall. Not just at him, but into his emotions and want and this feeling hits him- he’s never loved something this much. 

He leans forward, presses his damp forehead to Niall’s, and whispers,

“I really do love you, you know.”

A smile works its way into Niall’s demeanor, and he whispers back,

“I know,” and Liam laughs just a bit. 

Then comes the inevitable kissing. Then some shuffling around to find lube, and situating to be comfortable, and close as possible, and then it’s happening. 

The real first time. Liam presses into Niall, and Niall hasn’t felt better in his life. Physically, emotionally, he’s suffocating in love and pleasure and want and it’s so much better than he could have ever thought. 

He lets Liam get overwhelmed, enjoys seeing Liam free his mind for a while. 

He laces his right hand through Liam’s short hair, puts his left around Liam’a strong neck to hold himself as close as he can, as Liam starts his steady movements. 

Wave after wave of good sweeps over Niall. The numbing sensation of Liam and everything around him carries him into another world entirely. He wishes this could never stop- this Utopia that Liam’s brought him into. 

Liam’s warm lips steal his thoughts away. They kiss passionately; with purpose. Niall’s thanking Liam softly,  
just whispering a little,

“Thank you,” because no one has ever led him into this before. 

“I love you,” is all Liam replies with, and that’s okay by Niall.

  
When it’s over, when they’ve both reached their highs and euphoric states; when they’re messy and kissing before slumping down, tired as can be; Niall just smiles. He doesn’t think about waking up, or how filthy they are, or how they have to travel again soon- he look at Liam, and smiles. Everything Is temporarily sound.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the last chapter I already have wrote; it'll probably take a little longer on the next ones bc they aren't write yet. But I'm excited, and motivated, so not too long? I love writing smut and the next few all have smut so loll


	10. ✚Chapter 10✚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super short and fluffy fluff, with sleepy morning kisses and whatnot :) the next chapter Will be long, hopefully with more Larry and then the eyeliner!kink ;)

 

When Niall blinks his eyes open, everything is fuzzy. All he sees is those sparkly flecks of magenta and mint green, and can't really think straight. Eventually everything slips into focus, and he can read the clock that says 12:00, and the text that says _'flight leaves @ 3. Meet @ front Lobby of hotel@ 1:45'._  


 

 

And he can see Liam next to him. Warm, naked, sleepy Liam with the rosy cheeks and full lips. Liam that looks like a little cherub, or a puppy. Liam that also gave Niall the best sex of his life last night. 

 

Oh, that's right, Niall remembers. He grins to himself, recalling a small portion of last night's events. Niall remembers it all perfectly, but he's too groggy at the moment to dwell on the intimate parts. 

 

He considers waking Liam, regarding the fact that they only have an hour and forty-five minutes to get everything packed and ready; but decides against it. 

 

Instead he plants a little kiss on Liam's left cheek, and goes to the kitchen to get something to drink. 

 

As soon as Niall stands up, the grin on his face spreads noticeably. He's completely and utterly sore all through his thighs and arse, which is definitely a good thing, considering the causes of it.

 

He decides on coffee, which isn't his normal preference, but this morning he just feels like a warm cup of coffee might make his perfect morning a little better. 

 

Niall waits in the kitchen and plays the previous night's events in his head, making his head spin all over again. 

 

The coffee is delicious, he decides, scrolling through his several millions of twitter mentions (if only that was an exaggeration. The fans are lovely, but damn, do the tweets slow his phone down).

 

The smell of brewing coffee must have woken Liam, because he eventually comes shuffling into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes like a four year old, and damnit if Niall doesn't fall a little more in love with him.

 

He had slipped some boxers on- something that Niall hadnt thought of to do. Oh well. Being naked in the kitchen with your boyfriend was okay, right? Right. 

 

"G'mornng," Liam mumbles, yawning in the middle. Niall giggles.

 

"Goodmorning t'you, too... Coffee?"

 

Liam gives a lazy nod and Niall pours him some, adding in what he knows Liam wants- 1 packet of sugar, 2 tablespoons of creamer. 

 

Liam's sleepy smile grows when Niall hands him the cup, because that's when he notices Niall'a lack of clothing. 

 

"Y'against wearing boxers or summat?"

 

"No," he says with a giggle, "I didn't think y'd mind all that much, what, with last night n'everyrhin,"

 

And yeah, Liam blushes at that, "was it alright? Last night?"

 

Niall laughs again, and doesn't even to come up with words, just kisses Liam full on the lips. Liam sighs, sets down the coffee on the counter so he can pull Niall in closer and kiss him deep, to which Niall does not oppose. 

 

Once they're done with the snogging, they do actually drink their coffee. 

 

"We hav'ta be in the lobby a' 1:45," Niall informs, and Liam groans,

 

"Damnit."

 

Niall nods, "but I'll sit next to you on the plane," and Liam smiles. 

 

"Yeah." 

 

And cue round two of sleepy morning snogging.

 

 

~

 

Niall finds out that packing up all of your things is a lot harder when you've got a shirtless Liam trying to kiss you every five minutes. Eventually, it all gets done though, and they have a whole twenty minutes to snog again, and maybe fix their hair. They pretty much end up snogging the whole time, though.

 

~

 

When they get down to the lobby, theyres a very happy Harry and Louis, a very tired, but happy and cuddley Zayn, and everything seems pretty wonderful. Maybe jetlag won't be too bad, after all. 

 

~

 

There (surprisingly) are no troubles with boarding or baggage, and they get on the plane fairly easy.

 

Then Liam gets to cuddle up to Niall, who's in the seat next to him, and get some more rest. 

 

 

 

Right before Liam drifts off, though, a sleepy Niall says, "y'wanna go to the loo? I'll suck you off," and Liam is caught a little off guard. Maybe if he wasn't soo tired, he would consider it. But that requires planning and sneakiness and Liam can't bring himself to want it bad enough. 

 

"N'thanks, I'd rather not get kicked off the plane for public sex,"

 

Niall chuckles a little, "just thought you might be into it."

 

"No, but don't think I've forgotten how odd you are. We can get some eyeliner when we land," 

 

Niall doesn't say anything, just swallows thickly and tries to ignore the arousal in his stomach. Liam laughs, and lets his eyes shut, finally. 

 

Not before slyly and quickly giving Niall a kiss on the cheek, though.


	11. ✚Chapter 11✚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm so bad about updating... Also I overuse italics oopsies 
> 
> Happy Easter!(:

Liam isn't joking when he says _'we'll get eyeliner when we land'_

As soon as the plane touches and they leave the airport in the different cars, Liam asks the driver if they can go to Tesco's really fast. 

Of course, he says yes, and Niall can actually feel his stomach flip when they walk in the store. 

Liam guides them to the makeup section, where they find out that there are actually several kinds of eyeliner. They eliminate the gel kind (because how the hell do you put that on, anyways?), and decide that the liquid kind might be a little difficult to do as well. They buy the most expensive retractable pencil liner, because they're rich and they can. That's what fame is for, isn't it? Buying eyeliner for you and your boyfriend's sex life? Of course it is. They also pick up a thing of mascara, because Liam thinks it'll make it all look better.

The cashier gives Niall an odd look, who seems extremely flushed and bouncy and nervous, and Liam an odd look because why is he buying makeup? Liam just smiles, and doesn't try to make any conversation with the man. It's probably better that way.

They get back in the car, and are taken to Niall's flat. And that's when everything kind of takes this turn that's a little bit... _wow_. 

Liam looks up two YouTube videos on how to apply eyeliner. Niall goes and drinks a little warm tea and tries to calm himself the fuck down before he has an aneurism. 

"Liam?" He says, walking back into the bedroom, where Liam lays inspecting the makeup. 

"Mmm?" 

"Are you actually gonna do this f'me?"

Liam looks at him like he's crazy, "No. I just bought this shit to stare at it," he rolls his eyes," _Yes_ , I'm doing this."

And Niall bites his lip. 

"M'not really sure what m'gonna do when I see you in it," 

Liam barks out a laugh, then covers his mouth quickly, "I mean...it's supposed to turn you on. Tha's the whole point. So I guess we'll see if it works," he says, a stupid grin on his face.

Niall nods, "you've got it sorted out, then? How t'put it on?" 

Liam nods, "mmhmm. S'quite simple." 

Niall breathes in, "I'll wait for you in the living room, then?" 

Liam smirks, "s'perfect." 

~

Niall isn't sure if Liam is taking this long to put it on Intentionally, or if he's struggling. He doesn't really care, actually. This erection in his sweatpants is just kind of becoming slightly unbearable.

~

Liam puts it on as precise as possible. He starts with the top lid, gliding it on smoothly in a fairly straight line. But it isn't straight enough, so he grabs a cotton swab, licks the tip, and perfects it. He smooths it into the inner corner of his eye, like he saw in the videos- it makes everything look better if the line doesn't just stop abruptly. Then he brings it to the outer corner, makes a very tiny wing, and starts with the waterline. 

He doesn't know how girls do it every fucking day. His eyes water a bit, and its weird and ticklish, _but worth it_ , he reminds himself. 

In about five minutes, both eyes look even, and actually really damn good. 

Mascara time. This is actually really easy for him, because he'd watched his mum and sister do it all the time. 

When he evaluates himself in the mirror, he can honestly say he looks pretty fit. He just can't wait for Niall's reaction.

~

He's as quiet as he can be walking to the entrance of the living room, and just watches Niall for a second. He can only see the back of Niall's head, hand running through his hair. Liam can only see hear his heavy breathing and the little impatient _"fuck"_ that comes out of his mouth. He seems as needy as a person can possibly be. Liam smirks.

"Ni?" He says softly, so he doesn't scare Niall. He looks down at the ground, but can tell Niall is standing up to face him. 

"Can--can I see?" Niall stutters, and yeah, his voice holds that quality that tells Liam he is _really fucking horny_ right now.

Liam slowly lets his eyes flutter up, facing Niall. 

And if that isn't the best reaction Niall has ever given him. 

"Fucking _hell_." 

"You- is it alright?" 

Niall's bottom lip is actually fucking trembling, and he can't stop running his hands over his head. If Liam hadn't known that he was just turned on out of his mind, he would probably assume that Niall was having some sort of heart attack.

"Oh my _god_ , Liam." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah-- _fuck_." 

Liam laughs, and Niall steps closer. He drags a few fingers over Liam's cheek; cradles his jaw. He takes a finger and brushes them over Liam'a eyelashes ever so gently. 

"Yeah. Definitely yeah." 

"Is't actually tha' good? I mean s'just _makeup_ ," 

Niall swallows, finally takes what feels like is his first breath since Liam walked in. 

"I know, but... _Jesus_. You've got these _eyes_ , and they're just so pretty 'nd s'just...y'look so fucking fit, Liam," 

Liam blushes, "I...what d'you want to do?" 

Niall shakes his head, "I don't even fuckin' know I jus'...god, sorry, I could get off fr'm jus' _looking_ a' you, Li," 

If at all possible, Liam turns an even darker shade, "y'can...I mean, like, I'll bottom if-- if that's like..." 

Niall sucks in a breath, "yeah. Yeah, that's...shit, i love you," Niall fervently presses his lips to Liam's. 

"Yeah, c'mon," Liam guides them to the bedroom, and Niall immediately pushes Liam down into his back. Liam gives him this absolutely _filthy_ smirk, and Niall thinks this is probably the horniest he has ever been in his entire fucking life.

"Just--here-- fuck Liam, I don't even know what I'm doing," Niall is actually so overwhelmed its pathetic. He wants everything at once and wants it all right now, but he doesn't know where to start and why aren't they naked yet?

"Take-- Liam get your clothes off, like-- now," Niall starts undressing himself as quickly as possible, watching as Liam does the same, and it's fucking record time getting naked.

Niall pretty much stumbles on top of Liam, pushing their hips together and enticing a moan from both of them. He leans over Liam, his hips between Liam's legs.

"I jus, I really just need to kiss you a while, yeah?" Niall says quickly, And Liam's head is fucking spinning because he has never even seen Niall like this before and he fucking _loves_ it. He's not used to Niall just dominating the hell out of the situation, and he doesn't know how to cope.

Niall's muttering, "god you're so pretty," and then Niall's mouth is on him in half a second, pressing to his jaw, trailing up to his lips. Niall gets this rhythm going where he kisses into Liam's mouth and rolls his hips down every so often, and squeezes Liam's side at the same time. Liam's vision is actually blurring. 

Eventually Liam just can't, "Niall--can we please, _please_ \-- I just--"

"Yeah, yeah. I-- do y'want me t'rim you? Is that, like--"

"Yeah. Yes, _shit_."

"Yeah," Niall says, sliding down between Liam's legs as fast as possible, certainly not wasting any more time licking over Liam's hole. The muscles all flutter, Liam makes that noise that's the hottest moan that Niall has ever heard. 

"Fucking _yes_ , Niall--shit," and that's all Liam can even say. There's so many colors floating around his vision and all he knows is _NiallNiallNiall_. That's all right now, he's all that matters. The pleasure and the want and the Niall. It's swirling around in his mind and he can't even form fucking thoughts right now, it's so overwhelming.

He's falling, he's slipping into this place that evidently only Niall can get him, and has no intention of trying to get out. All he can do is roll his hips back onto the warm, wet mouth of Niall and throw his head back and try. Try so hard not to let himself go because its too early for that.

"Niall," his voice cracks and he ends up having to try again, "Niall, c'mon. C'mon, let's get on with it," Niall pulls away and nods, literally running to the bedside where there's always lube, grabbing the container and rushing back to Liam. 

"Here, just--" he puts some on his fingers and goes to open Liam up, to which Liam says, "no, it's--just, put the lube on and fuck me already. Y'dont need to do that," 

Niall literally has to catch himself, because everything just got really spinny all the sudden. 

_Fucking shit, Liam has a filthy mouth._

But Niall just says, "yeah," and proceeds to do what Liam said, getting squared between Liam's legs and suddenly Liam is cursing as Niall eases into him.

Niall leans over him, looks at the pretty black line of makeup around his eyes, and starts to buzz with that feeling of Liam around him. He just watches Liam as he pushes in, watches all the expressions on his face that show concentration and euphoria and relaxation and he just looks so _pretty_ that Niall can't even will himself to look anywhere else.

"Yeah?" Niall says, his voice stops working a bit half way through the word.

Liam nods, "don't, like, you don't have to wait I just-" he looks right at Niall, "I'm really fucking wound up, and I kind of just need you to fuck it out of me," and Niall sighs and okay, yeah, he can do that. 

He rolls his hips in as far as he can and Liam's eyes go back a bit, his head falls back, and Niall actually cannot believe this is happening. That he's making Liam do this --have this insane reaction.

Liam's just gone all pliant and euphoric and he looks like he's fucking drugged. His eyelids are a little droopy and that only makes the makeup look a thousand times better and _christ_ Niall can't even form coherent thoughts.

"Harder, Ni. I-- _more_ ," Liam sighs, and Niall certainly doesn't have an issue granting his wish.

Niall really didn't think this whole eyeliner deal would pan out like this. Really, like, he knew it would be hot. He knew he liked eyeliner on guys and that It would be spectacular on Liam. But he wast excepting it to be quite like this. This, as in, Niall's having to bite the back of his hand to get himself to focus on fucking Liam because his head is spinning too fast. As in the tension and need is almost palpable in the air. As in he's losing his fucking _mind_ over how damn pretty he looks. He wasn't expecting this.

He's rolling his hips as deep into Liam as possible, in this not quite steady motion, but it's good none the less. Liam's sort of pushing himself back onto Niall, because its just _so_ good and all he wants is _more._

Niall leans to suck on Liam's jaw, hoping to leave a bruise, but Liam growls out, "no, Ni." 

Niall stops to look at him.

"You- no visible bruises, babe. Lower." 

Niall nods quickly, goes to the hollow at the base of his neck instead. 

"Yeah, Ni. That's--yeah," Liam breaths out, "I'm, I can't last much longer--"

"S'okay, go ahead. I'm...I'm there too," Niall reaches down to give Liam a hand, and when they come they're panting and trembling. 

Niall lets his forehead thump down into Liam's chest, and he just stays there.

"That was-"

"Yeah," Niall interrupts. He can't really think right now, and Liam's words sound really muffled and soft. 

Niall obviously goes to pull out, but Liam reaches around to grab his ass and push him back in. Niall raises an eyebrow and Liam blushes.

"I- again? Just one more?" Liam says in this small, ashamed voice and Niall just smiles,

"It's okay, Li. You...really? You're up for it?" 

Liam nods slowly, lets his cheek hit the mattress, "please, yeah." 

All Niall can think about is how fucking hot it is that he wants another go, and he nods, goes to kiss Liam. 

"Of course, Li. Yeah."

So when he draws his hips out a little and then fluidly snaps them back in, Liam just about loses it.

" _Shit_ , Niall," he sighs out and Niall just does this thing where he kind of nods, and bites his lip. It's so much, _too_ much- it almost hurts how tight Liam is around him, he's so fucking sensitive but it's still so damn good. 

Liam's letting out this continuous moan as Niall fucks into him harder, the noise hitching every time Niall's hips slam into his. 

"Your-- fucking-- _god_ , your dick's s'good," Liam says in that low moaning voice thing and Niall actually fucking whimpers at that, because _what the hell._ Liam isn't like this. Liam doesn't beg for more and talk filthy and make these obscene noises- except he is. He _is_ doing this and it's fucking insane. 

"Niall, I'm gonna come again, I'm--I'm, fuck--" and just like that Liam's tensing up but relaxing at the same time and his back arches up a _lot_ and Niall kind of cant help but follow right behind. 

They're both actually gasping for air as Niall pulls out with a low groan. 

"Bath," Niall says softly, barely able to speak, "Im-- take a bath. Yeah." 

Liam nods and Niall trudges to the bathroom, turns on the faucets so its not too unbearably hot, but still scorching. Niall likes painfully hot baths. 

"Liiii," Niall says a little loudly, and about two minutes later, an extremely pink and embarrassed Liam walks through the door. 

Niall walks over to him and drops his head on Liam's shoulder, wraps him in a hug. 

"You're amazing," Niall whispers, and Liam huffs out a laugh. 

Niall draws away to look at Liam, who still seems to not want to make eye contact. 

"Li? What is is?" Niall asks, pulling a thumb over Liam's cheek.

Liam'a eyes meet his for a mere second before flitting away, 

"I- I've never been like that before..." He says in that still small voice.

"Like what,Li? It's okay, yeah?" Niall coos, leans up a bit to wrap his arms around Liam's neck and kiss his ear. 

"I don't know I jus'...like, didn't even feel like m'self."

"Y'were fuckin hot, Liam." 

Liam clears his throat, "I just- I lost it. Like...it just felt _really_ good and I didn't know what to do," 

He sounds so ungodly ashamed, and he shouldn't, he really shouldn't, and Niall can't even take it. 

"Hey. Hey, S'okay, Liam. That was...that was like unbelievable sex, yeah? S'okay, you just got overwhelmed. S'not bad at all." 

He kisses Liam then, but _god_ if he isn't still nervous.

"Liam," Niall says, sternly, "stop. There's nothin wrong, love. You were amazing," 

Liam smiles a bit, "really?"

Niall lets himself smile and he nods, "more than amazing. So good." 

Liam chuckles a bit, "that was the best orgasm v'my fuckin life," 

Niall gives him that look with one eyebrow cocked, an almost barked out laugh and Liam's past being embarrassed, he just giggles.

Niall adds, "Two, y'mean. Best two." 

Liam nods, still laughing, and goes to climb in the bathtub. As soon as one toe is in, he shouts out a, "shit!" And Niall looks at him odd.

"Why the hell do you make these baths so hot?" 

Niall laughs, "sorry, mate." 

Liam cautiously sinks down into the water, and waves for Niall to come in. 

They have quite the roomy tub, it could almost pass as a small pool. It's absolutely brilliant for post-sex cuddling and relaxation. Especially when you've just had two orgasms, and you can barely think because the sex was just that _wow._

Niall cuddles himself into Liam's side, sighs a happy, sleepy sigh. Liam smiles.

"I love you. A lot."

Niall giggles, "I love you too. More."

"And that was absolutley--"

"Yeah. Damn, yeh it was."

Liam chuckles, "M'still not used to this at all." 

Niall sits up a bit to look at him, humming when Liam hits the button that turns the bubbles on. 

"The-- you mean the sex?" Niall asks, planting a sloppy kiss on Liam's cheek. 

"Yeah...like...s'still all really jus overwhelming."

"In a good way, though?"

"Yeah. Definitely a good way."

"Tha's good, then. I mean, look at Lou 'nd Harry. They're still fuckin head-over-heels and s'been two damn years."

Liam laughs, "but they don't get like tha' when they fuck, I bet you."

"Y'sure 'bout that? You know Harry talks to me about that stuff, cause he's a weird kid. Anyway, he still says its, like, mind blowing for 'im every time."

Liam gives a thoughtful look, "that is crazy, innit? They're so ridiculously in love. Never seen anything like it."

"Y'avent? Not even us?"

Liam smiles, "maybe us. Yeah. Us."

"I think we are."

Liam nods, presses a kiss to Niall's temple.

They sit in the tub and kiss for another fifteen minutes, before deciding maybe they would rather not shrivel up into prunes.

~

Liam is the big spoon, as per usual, and makes the most of burying his head into Niall's fluffy hair and smelling his smell. He murmurs little "I love you"s and "you're amazing"s. Niall hums with joy and slowly starts settling into a dream. Liam smiles, and follows right behind.


	12. ✚ Chapter 12 ✚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is okay...it's shorter, but suspenseful? I hope? And please point out any grammar errors for me!(: x

It continues something like that for a good month. It's just Niall and Liam and insane amounts of elation and sex and kisses and cuddles and love. Real, genuine love. 

And then, well. Then there's the night where Niall wants to go out to a little place called _Neon_ with Louis, and Liam just really doesn't feel up for it. So he goes and tells Niall to go ahead and go out, that he'll be home watching a movie. And that's exactly what happens. 

Niall comes back about two hours later, just a little more than drunk. But that means he's extra cuddly and Liam likes that. So Niall showers and curls up into Liam's side and the alcohol lulls Niall into sleep. Niall's continuous deep breaths lull Liam. 

~

It's as soon as they both wake. Literally the moment they wake up and share the first little peck on the lips. 

Niall draws away. Normally, they can't even help it- one peck just leads to full on snogging and then it might lead to a couple handjobs and then they roll out of bed for the day. 

But Niall just draws away. 

"Everything okay?" Liam says a little troubled.

Niall nods, gives a half smile.

"Ni. What's up?" 

Niall shakes his head, and wills himself into a full grin, "m'fine, Li. Lets go get Starbucks, maybe?"

Liam studies him a moment. Maybe Liam was over thinking it. Yeah, probably. 

"Sure, yeah," Liam smiles.

~

They wait in the long line and Liam observes this hipster-girl with the raccoon purse and the high waist shorts and the printed jumper. He observes the little boy eating a chocolate-chip cookie next to his father who looks like a businessman. He smiles when a girl walks over and whispers 'I'm a huge fan'. He signs her Starbucks cup.

He goes to order his mocha frappe when he looks up at the cashier and forgets his words. He's met with a pair of stunning grey eyes and an equally warm smile. 

"I'm Evan, how can I help you today?" Says the pretty mouth. 

"I-uh," Liam swallows. This is odd. Liam doesn't get his breath swept away by strangers. That's what Niall is for. He clears his throat, "I'll have, uh, a grande mocha frappe please." Liam gives a small smile.

"Great choice! My favourite, actually. A cookie or pastry for you today?"

Liam looks at the glass case, and damnit, he always tells himself that he won't but those freaking brownies but he kind of _really_ wants one.

"I'll have a brownie, why not."

He lets Niall order then, all while trying to ignore this Evan bastard with pretty grey eyes.

"Alrighty, your total..." And then Liam stops listening. He looks at the freckles sprinkled over Evan's face and the sandy hair that makes him look a little tanner. 

"Right," Liam catches himself, and hands Evan a twenty. Then he makes himself look at Niall. That's enough looking at pretty stranger boys for today. He has a boyfriend. You can't look at pretty stranger boys when you already have a boyfriend. 

So they grab their drinks and go sit at a table and smile at each other. And normally, when they're out in public like this, they stop the kissing and touching. But there's no other fans in here, just a Few business people and college kids. And they're all minding their   
own business. 

"Can...can I kiss you?" Liam says in the absolute shyest voice. Niall grins at him. 

"I dunno, can you?" 

Liam reaches across the table and takes Niall's face into his hands, kissing him a little deeper than socially acceptable in a public place. He can feel Niall's smile as he keeps kissing him. He pulls away, most unwillingly, just incase Mr.Buisnessman wants to look up at that moment. 

"Y'good?" Niall asks, still smiling. 

Liam blushes a bit and nods, giving him a grin that was supposed to stay small, but turned into a full on smile. 

"I love you a lot, you know." Liam says quietly.

Niall's reaction is sneaky. Liam doesn't see it. But it happens. His face falls, for just a half second. Just enough to display guilt and regret. But then he lifts himself up, into a bashful smile. And he responds with "but I love you too."  
Then he sticks the plastic green straw in his mouth and suddenly the drink Liam bought him seems to taste a little different. Something like mistakes.

~

Niall takes a shower when he gets home. And he cries a lot in the shower. Liam doesn't know. Liam can't know. Because then Liam would ask _why_ and that's much worse than anything Niall could imagine. He would rather just cry by himself. He deserves it, really.

(Really he doesn't. He really doesn't, but he thinks he does. And no one could convince him otherwise. Really it turns out Niall's making this all worse than he should.)

He sits on the shower floor for a minute and asks himself why. Why did he do it. Why didn't he just come home. To Liam. To Liam who would have willingly sucked him off. Why not Liam. Why the random guy. Why did he go and fuck this up again. 

Why. 

And he can't come up with an answer. 

So he dries himself off and puts on the best fake smile he can manage. And does it, for who other than Liam. 

Liam.

~

They skip the sex that night. Niall says he's really tired. And that he loves Liam. Liam says he understands. And he loves Niall more. 

~

Liam wakes up the next morning to find some pretty writing on a sheet of paper. He's always loved Niall's handwriting. This time it spells out _'went to Lou's for just a while. Be back by 12. Love you, Li. xx '_

Liam sighs when he looks at the clock. It's only 10:00. Two hours of nothing to do. 

He finally decides on cleaning the flat. It takes some really loud music to drown out the fact that Niall isn't there.

~

Niall knocks on Louis's door at 9:30AM, with red eyes and a few tears on his cheeks. Louis opens it with tired eyes, but then sees Niall's face. He takes Niall into a hug as fast as he can, and says,

"What, Ni? What's wrong?" 

Niall just cries into his shoulder.

"Right. Lets go out."

So Louis goes back inside and kisses a sleeping Harry, tells him that he'll be back soon, it's for Niall. Harry nods a sleepy nod. Louis grabs his wallet and throws on some shoes and slides on a jacket, and he's meeting Niall at the front door. 

Louis puts his arm around Niall's shoulder as they walk to the lift, and glances over.

"Where you wanna go?" He says softly.

"Anywhere but Starbucks," Niall answers. 

"Alright... Y'want to go to the park?"

Niall remembers his and Liam's walk the morning after the agreement.

"No. That's not a good spot either."

"Alright...you want to just drive around?"

Niall thinks. Driving sounds good. 

"Yeah. S'good."

"Good then." 

Then there's a little bit of silence that just holds the padding of their feet to get inside the lift. The doors shut, and Louis looks at Niall. 

"Are you...are you okay, Niall?"

Niall looks back at him, and makes a little eye contact before flitting them away really fast. He looks back up for a short second, and just says, "not really, t'be honest." 

Louis feels a tug in his heart. If Niall isn't okay, he's not okay. That's the thing about these five boys. They're all sort of internally connected. For some reason, Niall has the strongest pull on Louis. Of course, Harry is up there as well. It's just...Niall. Niall is so perfectly sound in this world. He seems like he should just be happy, just be young and stop the worries. And when he can't. When Niall starts the sadness, Louis just. Just will do anything he can to fix it.

Louis hugs him tight, kisses him on the cheek. 

"Thanks for coming to me, mate. We'll fix it, yeah? We will." 

Niall says, "okay." Really soft. 

~

Louis starts up his tiny car, Niall crawls in the passenger seat. Louis doesn't know where they're going. But anywhere is good.

When they're about a mile out, Louis glances over at him. 

"So." He says. Niall sighs.

"So." 

"What's up, love? Why're you sad?"

Niall stares out the dashboard, "you've got to promise you won't tell. Anyone. Not even Harry."

"You know Liam comes to me all the time. Says stuff and makes me promise. And I keep my promises, Ni. I dunno why everyone comes to me when I'm probably the most screwed up of us all, but you all do. And I never tell. Not even Harry. Alrigh', Ni?"

Niall nods even though Louis can't see the nod. And he forces the words out, "I cheated on Liam."

Louis's foot hits the accelerator a little bit by accident. He clicks over the blinker and pulls over to the side of the road, and stops the car. 

"What?" He says, eyes a little wide and voice a little shaky.

"Well don't go and make me feel like more of a bastard," Niall groans, his face in his hands.

"No, no. I just... _when_? Like, like why?" 

Niall gives him a look that makes Louis feel like an idiot.

"Sorry, sorry," Louis says, "okay. Okay, when?"

"I...when we went out the other night. To that _Neon_ place." 

"But- but we were together-"

"Not when I went to the loo."

There's some silence.

"Oh." Louis says.

"Yeah."

"Did you...like..."

"Fuck?" Niall suggests. Louis nods a bit, "no, I just...he jus' sucked me off. But, it's all the same. It's still cheating."

"Did you...why, Niall? Like, why not just tell me and i could have taken you home to Liam, or, I mean. _I_ was right there, mate. I could have helped."

Niall's eyes start to fill up, "I don't- I don't _know_ Lou. Like- none of it makes sense. He just had these eyes like Liam and I just- the alcohol-" he chokes up. 

"So you...you regret it? You didn't like, mean to do it?"

"More than anythin'" Niall says in a small voice.

Louis swallows. "I...mate, what can I do?" He looks quite sad. And suddenly Niall feels really damn bad for putting this weight on him. 

"I'm- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it your problem-"

"Hey. No. You didn't do anything wrong, love."

Niall chews on his thumb nail, "I...I just don't know what to do."

Louis takes a deep breath, "okay. Alrigh, you need to go home. You need to kiss 'im and tell 'im to please listen to you. Y'need to remind him over and over that y'love him. And you need to say you know it was wrong. And you're sorry. You're really damn sorry. And then y'tell him. And you go from there. He might say its okay, in which case you need to get on your fuckin knees and show him you're sorry. Or, you know. Maybe he won't take it well."

Niall lets out a short sob.

"Hey, it's okay. You just need to keep in mind that It could happen. And if it does, then you give it time. We're in a fucking band, he can't run away forever."

Niall nods, and takes in a small breath. 

"C'mere and hug me," Louis says, leaving over, "it's gonna be okay, Ni. It will." 

He pulls away and looks at Niall. Niall won't look at him. 

"Ey, look here," Niall looks up. Louis gives him a comforting peck on the lips, and smiles, "you've got to believe me when I say it'll be okay."

Niall nods, "I do. I know...I know it has to, eventually."

"Good. Then lets head home, yeah? S'like half eleven, you've got to be home soon." 

Niall nods, "thanks Lou. Really."

Louis smiles, "I am literally always glad to help."


	13. ✚Chapter 13✚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I realize most of you probably won't cry but I actually cried fucking WRITING this and I already knew it was going to happen. Let me know your reaction? X

Spoiler alert: Niall doesn't tell Liam yet. Not because he doesn't want to, not because he thinks Liam will be upset, but simply because he can't. He literally can't say the words. He can't walk up to Liam- puppy-eyed, smiling, shining, excited, loving Liam- and say the words. So he doesn't.

He makes a new habit of reminding Liam how much he loves him as often as possible. He picks up a yellow dandelion in the park and gets down on one knee to present it to Liam. He kisses the living hell out of Liam when they wake up. If Liam shows even the slightest sign of wanting sex, or being aroused, Niall is on his knees in seconds. When Liam complains about his aching right shoulder (it all looks so cool in concert when they do those pyramids. They fucking kill, though.) Niall sits him down and gives him a massage. He texts Liam at random times during work, just sending little "xx"s or "I love you"s. 

It continues for two weeks before Liam starts noticing. It's not that Liam is dumb or unobservant. It's just that Niall is really good about pleasing people. It's just a thing he does. Not like Harry, who feels the need to please _everyone_. Niall just likes making the people he loves happy. 

So Liam just figures that Niall is doing that. But then he realizes how actually over-lovey Niall is being. He isn't complaining; it's just odd. Just not...Niall. 

So they're sitting on the couch eating some chocolate truffles that they've received from some hotel, watching some rerun television episodes, and kissing a little bit when they feel like it. Right after Niall pulls away from a kiss, Liam says something like 

"So what's with the new you?"

To which Niall says, "new me?"

And Liam explains, "the- this, like," he waves his hand pointlessly in the air, "really nice, kissy, gets-on-your-knees-every-six-seconds, constantly texting me 'I love you'...that you."

Niall's heart flutters. Maybe flutter isnt the right word. It feels a little more like suffocation. Or drowning. And then Niall is wondering if maybe that's the same sort of feeling. And then he's wishing that he was either drowning or suffocating. Just dying in any sort of way would be so much more preferred than explaining to Liam. 

"Ni? You alrigh'?" 

Niall looks up at him. And he knows he can't keep it from him any longer. Just the same way he couldn't tell him, now he just can't _not_ tell him.

He stands up, and grabs Liam's hands, pulls him up too. 

Worry pools in Liam's eyes. Niall feels his knees fight to give out. His eyes sting with guilt. He can feel the tears threaten to pour.

"Liam. Liam, you've got to listen. You've got to just-" he takes in a slight breath. It's shaky- "you can't give up on me the moment I tell you. I know you're going to get angry. I know you're going to want to walk out that door," he point over in the general direction, "but Liam. Liam you can't. Not immediately. Please, I'll just- just promise we can talk. I'll give anything for you to just stay a minute. I just-"

"You're scaring me, Niall. Like, you're really scaring me." Liam says in a small voice. It falters a bit.

"I know but-"

"Please. Tell me, tell me. I won't leave, please. Just. Now." 

Niall scrunches his nose up, squeezes his eyes shut and forces the first year down his cheek.

"Liam. I love you so much. So fucking much. You don't even know how guilty I feel-"

"You. Niall..." The pain spreads across Liam's face as he puts the pieces together. His eyebrows dip in, and he gives this look that is so wishful, so hopeful that he's wrong. So disbelieving. So hurt.

"Niall, please. Please tell me you didn't..you didn't-" his breath hitches, he swallows. "Niall..."

"I'm so, so- Liam, I can't even live with myself. I'm- please, just- I'm so sorry, Liam. I can't even explain-"

Liam hugs him. A crushing hug, one that makes Niall forget for a second.

Then he's pulling away, grabbing Niall by his shoulders. 

"Why, Niall? Why. Just- hey, I'm- I mean, I'm mad. I'm furious, but. Just tell me. Why. What happened."

"I- when I went out with Lou. I just- Liam, he had your eyes. I was so drunk, I just. Liam, I literally wasn't thinking. Because- because I talked to Louis, and. I mean, he even said that he would have helped. I have no idea why I didn't come home, and I want to fucking _die_ it was so stupid-"

"Hey. Hey, don't you ever say that. I'm- I'm just so angry because I would have helped you in a heartbeat, Ni. I'm mad because we've worked so long building up your strength and then- then. This." 

"I know- i know. You have every right to be mad, I just. I don't know-"

"Niall, if I'm not, like, satisfying you, you just need to- like. We just might not..." He blinks some tears out of his eye, and they slide down his face, "maybe we don't work any more, Niall. Maybe you're...maybe there is someone else that's better-"

"No. No, Liam, no-" Niall shakes his head, but Liam shakes his back,

"Niall. I know it's not fun, but maybe I'm just. You can't say that. Maybe there is someone better, Niall."

"No. No, don't say it Liam. Liam, don't, please. _Please_ , Liam-"

"Maybe we need to take a break, Niall." 

Niall mouths the word, 'no', but doesn't have enough strength to actually say it. He keeps shaking his head, Liam kisses his cheek, and walks into the bedroom. Niall stands there, feeling significantly broken and empty. 

Liam walks out a few minutes later with his suitcase, and says,

"I'm gonna go to Lou's for tonight. When...when the tour is over, I'll go back to my flat. I mean. There's just two more weeks. And we can just be friends. Bandmates. I...I mean. We won't let this hurt our career. We'll just..."

Liam stops, and runs his hand over his mouth, cups his jawline. He grits his teeth, and breathes. 

"...we'll act like this never happened, Niall. We can pretend we were never in love. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just..." He walks backwards towards the door, "I don't think we can do this with me knowing that I'm not here for any real reason. I..." He takes one more breath, "goodbye, Niall."

And then he's gone. 

Niall doesn't remember falling to the ground. He just remembers the endless sobbing and the pain. 

So.

Much.

Hurt.

And Liam.

Everything is Liam.


	14. ✚ Chapter 14 ✚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short and not very good I'm really sorry. Writers block legit. Also i just bought another John green book. And my anxiety is getting bad so I'm not using my phone around my mom as much cause I don't want to make her upset... So I really hope this is okay! Xx

Niall wakes up on someone else's couch. It takes him about ten minutes to realize this. It's as soon as he opens the fridge and its filled with energy drinks and iced coffee. Not beer. Huh.

A warm voice from somewhere behind him says, "hey, mate."

Niall doesn't bother turning around, he knows who it is. He doesn't know how he ended up at Zayn's flat, but he did somehow.

Niall grunts in response, and dreads turning around. Because he really doesn't want to look Zayn in the eye. He really doesn't want to discuss this. He doesn't want to have to explain how much of a fucking idiot he is for doing this to perfect little Liam. 

The name in his thoughts sends a sting of tears to his eyes.

Liam.

The name seems like some cursed, forbidden word. It kind of is, in his mind. 

"You wan' me to make us some tea?" Zayn asks, and Niall feels two hands on either of his shoulders. He tries not to flinch at the touch. It feels foreign and wrong and only one person can touch his shoulders like that. And he can't think of the person, because he would like to avoid crying right now. 

"No thanks, man," He says. It's smaller than his normal voice. Normal Niall is always smiling, bold. Now he kind of just feels present. Like just enough of him is there to keep him from floating away. 

He doesn't like being just present.

Zayn's arms wrap all the way around him. 

"Hey mate...you wanna talk?"

Niall swallows. He's almost crying now. And for no reason. 

"I...s'okay, Zayn. Don't worry about me." 

"Niall," Zayn spins him around. Niall still won't meet his eyes. He just can't. "Niall, c'mon mate. You don't really think I can just leave  
you like this, do you?"

"Why not? Kind of deserve it, t'be honest."

He finds the will to peek up at Zayn. Zayn gives him a look, "what, Niall?"

"I don't deserve help. It's my own fucking fault. I fucked it all up. It's not your guys's problem to fix." 

Zayn gives a look of disbelief, and shakes his head, "mate. No. We all make bad choices, Ni. And sometimes choices leave scars that don't heal that well. And sometimes we don't want others to help us heal, but," he wraps his arms around Niall, pulls him in tight, "Niall, you can't punish yourself. Sure, it wasn't a good choice. But it will get better,  
Ni. It might take a while, but if you let others help, it'll heal, Ni. You just cant shut others out, okay?"

Niall doesn't say anything.

"You won't shut me out, will you, Ni?" 

Niall can't hurt anyone else. He just can't. He can't afford to see that look in one more persons eyes that makes him feel like he just crushed their world. He really can't.

"No, Zayn. I couldnt."

"Good, then." 

Zayn's really the only one Niall can bear to talk to right now. Like, if anyone else even tried to talk to him, he thinks he would just punch them. People give Zayn crap for being all 'deep' and shit or whatever; but really Zayn just sees everything a bit different. And this perspective i kind of nice for times like now. Zayn's just got this soothing voice and the desire to help, and it's a nice thing right now.

"I miss you, Niall. I don't see you very much, other than when we were on tour. And...and I miss talking to you."

Niall nods into Zayn's shoulder.

"Maybe now would be a good time to start talking more," Niall says.

"I think so," Zayn answers. Then he adds, "Niall? If I stop hugging your right now, are you going to go to your room?"

Niall considers this. He wasn't really planning on anything specific, but now Zayn mentions it, and yeah. He would have. Because he doesn't like making eye contact when he talks, he can't bear it. So yeah. He will. And he hugs Zayn a little tighter because he really loves how...he can't think of the word. How knowing Zayn is? How wise? Observant? Considerate? Maybe all of them. He just really loves Zayn for being like he is.

"Yeah, probably. Can we go to the couch?"

Zayn pulls away from him for a second, "sure, mate. C'mon."

Zayn lays down on the couch and Niall just lays on top of him, cuddles right in. And he thinks two things.

One, this band is so close it's fucking ridiculous. Not many best mates can have impromptu cuddle sessions on the couch and be 100% secure and sound.

Two, it feels like Liam should be cuddling him. It feels weird to have someone else. It's wrong. It's all wrong (and Niall's fault, but not really). But he's thankful for any kind of comfort right now.

"You don't sound the same, Ni. Like...your voice. The way you talk," Zayn is quiet for a moment, "you don't sound yourself, really."

Niall feels his chest hollow out a little. He doesn't like that he's changing. He knows he is, but he doesn't want others to notice. He wants to keep them happy. He doesn't want to be seen as the victim of some tragic heartbreak, because really, he initiated this. He did it. He can't start acting like his life is falling apart (although it very much is) in front of his friends because its his own issue. He needs to suck it up and realize that he did it. He can't show the pain.

Evidently, he isn't very good a it.

"Really?" Is all he says.

"Yeah. Like, you just sound dull. I mean- don't take it offensively or anythin. It's just...a little less lively. Just odd."

"Yeah." Niall says.

"Ni," Zayn sighs, "please. Just talk to me. I don't have any idea what's wrong mate. I just walked into your flat with the spare key cause you wouldn't answer the door, and I found you on the floor. So I called Liam and he carried you over here...I don't know what happened, Ni." 

Liam's name stings like a cigarette burn to bruised skin. He grits his teeth. Zayn waits, hugs him in a little closer. 

"I... damn, Zayn. It's hard to say out loud. I've already said it two times and it feels like a weight in my mouth, you know? Feels terrible to say. I just... God. Sorry. Give me a second."

Zayn nods, says, "sure, love. You know... You know I've done some terrible shit too before. Told a girl I loved her once, then decided that I would be too shitty of a boyfriend and dumped her the next day just because I was nervous. Cursed at my mum before. Just stopped talking to my best mate in high school because I was getting tired of upholding a friendship. We all fuck things up Niall. But... But I'm happy now. Time really does heal, sometimes. Or... It makes the past feel inferior. To where now is all that matters. You get what I mean?"

Niall swallows, "yeah. Yeah, mate. I just..." He takes a small breath, "...I cheated on Liam, Zayn. I just. I did it. And the worst part. I don't even know why. I literally don't know why. I mean. It's not even like I had sex with the other guy, it was just a blowjob, Zayn, but it tore everything away and. And now I'm lost, Zayn. Liam was my only way to normality and I lost him. I lost him because I'm an idiot. I-"

"Niall. Niall, shh." Zayn squeezes him, rubs his back, "stop talking for a bit. Lets take a nap, yeah?" He kisses Niall's head, Niall doesn't argue against sleeping. Anything to take him away from this hell.

Anything at all.


	15. ✚ Chapter 15 ✚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is dragging on and on and frankly it's not even that good like I absolutely love Take Me There (I'm gonna replace the characters names and sell it as my first book mhm) so I'ma try and wrap this up in 5 more chapters, so 20 total so i can focus more on TMT. so yep. I'm actually really pleased with this chapter tbh.

Liam wakes up with a particular weight in his heart and no real motivation to actually get out of bed. 

He's just laying in his flat. His empty flat, with no... No Niall. Right. He's got to get used to that. No Niall. He can deal with that, right? 

Niall didn't honestly care about Liam anyways, so it's okay. Yes. It is all, in fact, okay. Because Liam would rather be faced with the truth that he is lonely and unloved than lied to. That's logical. 

He actually thinks its rather funny. Liam... Liam actually thought, for that 4 months or whatever (Liam doesn't really remember, or care.), that Niall actually loved him. It's actually comical. _Love_ Liam? No. No, no one loves Liam. They have every reason not to.

What, with his nervousness and general reservation towards life. With his too-thick eyebrows and stupid crinkley eyes that resemble an 80 year old man. With his weak voice and big head that his hair never works with. His too-fat body even though he works out. His lips that don't fit the proportions of his face. His inability to even be a good human; his non- working kidney and the fact that he almost fucking died as a kid. Then he laughs, shakes his head. He should have just died then. Really. There's no point in him even living.

No point in caring anymore. Not, really, that there was ever one.

And so he goes through the motions. Gets up. Showers. Drinks tea. Eats. Vocal excerises. Sleep. 

And that's his day off. 

It's okay, he tells himself, as he digs his fingernails into his wrist to get the headache to go away. He watches the red swell up to the surface of the skin, the blood just sit at the surface of the torn skin. And smiles. He's okay.

~

Niall wakes up a little lighter in Zayn's arms. Even though it takes all the effort in the world to admit his mistake, it makes him lighter each time. The weight is lifted over and over, and it's a little bearable now.

"Hey." Niall says, to wake Zayn. 

Zayn stirs, they sit upright on the couch with Zayn's arm draped around Niall's shoulders.

"It's okay, Niall. I know...I mean, yeah, you fucked up. But. It'll be okay. We're all like brothers. You guys can still be great, great friends. Because you both still understand each other. So don't worry about it, yeah?"

"For now, yeah. I won't." And Niall smiles a small smile. And then he smiles a little bigger for getting himself to genuinely smile. 

Today might be okay, surprisingly.

~

Harry and Louis take a walk that day. Just to the little fruit market about a half mile from their flat. 

They're not even acting coupley, in fear that maybe there's a few paps out and about. Just walking, laughing at jokes, smiling at the perfect weather. Just being friends with a certain glint in their eyes.

And then, when they're almost to the market, a girl with mauve hair and a splash of freckles, maybe 16, walks up to Louis. And her voice is shaky.

"Hey, I'm... Er, I'm a huge fan," she laughs a nervous laugh, "I don't want to like, bother you, or anything. I just... Can I hug you really quick?"

Louis smiles. This has to be his favorite kind of fan. 

"Of course, love. Of course, yeah."

So louis leans down just a bit to hug her. And then. Well. It's just a little whisper that makes Louis's heart stop,

"Louis. We know. We all know, about you and Harry. Well, not all. But a lot. The smart people," she chuckles a second, "We know, and it's beatiful. We know you can't just come out. But when you do, we're ready. We will always, always be here. We're brave for you, Louis. That's our word. Bravery. Because you two are brave. Don't forget that, okay?" There's a crooked smile on her lips and a passion in her eyes that make Louis love his job a little more. Love Harry a little more.

Louis doesn't know what to do. He stand there, lips a little parted In shock. Harry quirks an eyebrow at Louis. 

Louis just pulls the girl in for another hug.

"Listen. We don't overlook you guys. The ones who know. Thank you. So, so fucking much. We love you guys. I love you, okay? Don't stop fighting."

And the girl nods, smiles. Hugs Harry, whispers something just a few seconds into his curls, and waves goodbye. 

"Wha'd she tell you?" Louis asks Harry.

"I. She, uh," he laughs, "she told me I was perfect, and I have a perfect boyfriend too. And not to ever stop loving him," and then he smiles all goofy, "good thing I didn't plan on that. I'll always love you, Lou." He blinks his eyelashes and clasps his hands together like a girl in some 1980's romance film.

"Oh shut up, you cheesy bastard." Louis grins fondly at him. 

All of five minutes later, the mauve   
haired girl glances at her phone to see:

**@Louis_Tomlinson: Love those kinds of people. Thanks, stranger. Won't be forgetting you :)**

And she keeps a smile stuck involuntarily to her face for longer than she realizes. 

~

Liam smiles a lot of empty smiles the next day. Like, he'll walk past a mirror and realize he's smiling, but there isn't a reason to. Liam stops smiling, and keeps it like that.

~

They have to record this interview with a guest teen interviewer later (some girl that won some contest?) and none of them really want to. 

But they show up, around 8:00PM, and it's all very odd. They haven't been together in a group for about a week, which is very far from typical. 

Niall sees Liam for the first time since he left, and his breath kind of catches in his throat. But he swallows, and goes to give Liam a hug and a small smile. 

"Hey, we're cool? I mean, we can talk later. But... We're still perfectly good friends, right?" Niall asks.

Liam doesn't smile, because he's trained himself not to. 

"Yeah, yeah. We're always friends, Ni. We'll talk later, yeah."

And Niall nods, gets a little knot in his stomach from the lack of a smile Liam portrayed. Zayn smiles encouragingly at Niall, who returns the smile. Louis and Harry actually sit next to each other, and the Modest! representative is a little too tired and a little too involved with texting her boyfriend to care. Zayn sits to the left of them, Niall sits by him. Liam takes a seat all the way on the other side. 

He digs his fingernails into his wrist again, and breathes. He can think. He can fake the smile pretty convincingly. 

Niall sees the smile, and lets himself lighten up. 

The interview goes just about as normal as you could imagine. When it wraps up, Harry comes up to Liam. 

"Hey. Come talk to me and Lou for a while?"

The panic arises in Liam's chest but he just nods. He can't let more people down. 

So Zayn takes off with Niall back to Zayn's flat. 

And Liam drives back to Louis and Harry's, with the radio off. 

~

Louis hands him a beer, they all sit in the living room in a circle. Liam drinks a fourth of the beer in a minute. 

"Hey. We know you aren't okay."  
Harry says quietly.

He has to fake. He has to. 

He smiles, chuckles a bit, "me? No, I'm fine. Why?"

And Louis shakes his head, "we aren't dumb, mate. You're not okay. Like. Like at all." Louis knows, from Niall. But he needs to hear it from Liam.

Liam's face falls back to his stone-cold demeanor. 

"Guys, just. I'm fine, alright? Everyone has problems."

Harry responds, "Yeah but you're good at hiding yours, Liam. 'Cept this time you're not. This time it's pretty damn obvious, 'nd that means s'probably serious. Spill it."

Liam shrugs, "nope." And takes another gulp of beer.

Louis scoots over to him, yanks the beer out of his hand. Liam'a eyebrows furrow, but he doesn't get mad. Louis grabs his face. And the panic is back in Liam's heart. 

"Liam. You trust me. I know it. And if you won't even tell me, I'm gonna go talk to Niall."

"Don't fucking say his name," Liam spits, shoving Louis back. 

And Harry gets angry. And then Louis is tugging on Harry's shirt, telling him _"stop, Haz. It's Liam. Don't."_ except harry is stronger, and pulls away.

And he pins Liam's shoulders to the ground.

And kisses him. 

And Liam pushes back up, back into Harry's kiss because he needs it. Because he's tired of not getting kisses and he just needs it.   
And now Niall's not here, and no one can even stop him. He could kiss ever person on the planet and no one could say a word. 

So he makes an "mm" noise and grabs the back of Harry's head and keeps the kiss going while Louis kind of sits there and Harry is just a really great friend. 

And then finally Liam figures he should let Harry breath and lets his head go, pulls away.

"You're not with Niall anymore." Harry says immediately. 

Harry sits up, back by Louis, who is extremely calm considering what just happened, and Liam nods.

"Yeah."

"Why?" Louis asks, shaking his head and looking sad. He knows. He knows because Niall told him, but he can't act like that. Because Niall trusts him.

"You're not gonna tell me off for snogging your boyfriend first?" Liam says

Louis shrugs, "nah, mate. It's not like he does it to everyone. It's you. It's for a good reason. It's... S'fine by me, really." 

Liam nods. "I... Niall cheated on me. He just... I'm not really sure how, exactly. Or to what extent. I'm not even mad at him, anymore. Just no point in me being there. It... I mean, he didnt really _love_ me," he smiles, because its so obvious. 

Louis shakes his head, "Liam, no. I mean- you're gonna have to work this out, but. But he does, Liam. Really."

Liam laughs, "Nah, he doesn't. But it's okay, Lou," he smiles, "I'm okay. Like, really. I'm perfectly fine." 

Louis and Harry exchange this glance. 

"I would definitely not deny myself of another kiss, by the way." 

Harry looks at Lou again, a questioning look. Louis looks defeated. He nods.

Harry climbs back on top of Liam, and they connect lips again.

"M'gonna go make myself a milkshake. I'll make one for you two as well. Liam, you're staying here tonight. Don't do anything but kiss him, Haz."

"Of course, Lou." Harry says, breaking away for a half second.

Liam thinks Harry Is a really good kisser.

~

"Thank you, Lou." Liam says when Louis hands him the milkshake. He isn't thanking him for the milkshake though. But for Harry. 

"Yeah, you make very good milkshakes." Harry says, leaning in to kiss Louis. 

They kiss for a long time too. Liam sips his shake and watches them. He doesn't think it's weird, to watch. He just longs for that. That kind of kissing. 

"So, Liam. You're gonna sleep in mine and Hazza's bed. It's huge, plenty a'room. That way I can make sure you don't shag my boyfriend," Louis says, with a wink. 

Liam nods, smiles. 

And they finish their milkshakes, strip down to boxers, and go to bed. 

Liam kisses Louis on the forehead and whispers 

"Thank you." 

Louis replies, "we'll fix you, Li"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it??? I haven't been getting many comments lately so I don't know if that means you don't like it or if you just don't comment): please, even If you hate it just say "wow this chapter sucked" and if you like it say "it's good" it really helps me xxx


	16. ✚ Chapter 16 ✚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omfg sorry I really like this chapter okay... I dunno if I rushed the happy part but SCREW THAT IM BAD AT ANGST JUST READ IT AND ALSO THERE MIGHT ONLY BE 2 MORE CHAPTERS BUT WHATEVER GO AHEAD AND READ THIS NOW OKAY FANKS LITTLE READER *boops your nose*

Liam's eyes don't really "flutter" open. It's more of a huge jolt of awakening that sends his brain into this static state where he's confused and has no idea what startled him awake. And then he runs out into the living room to find Harry pinning Louis to the floor, kissing the fucking hell out of him. 

They split apart, both blinking innocently up at Liam.

"What the fuck just woke me up?" Liam asks, confused.

"We- er. We sort of fell off the couch."

Liam breaks into a laughter. He's sort of annoyed at being woke up, but what the hell. It's Harry and Louis. He loves them .

"Right. I can make breakfast while you two...finish this?"

Louis nods, mumbles a, "thanks," and pulls Harry back down. Liam watches Louis's hips grind up into Harry's, hears Harry's soft moan, and immediately becomes aroused. Not- not because he is attracted to Louis or Harry or them doing that- but because he just wants that so fucking bad.

Thoughts and ideas- all bad ones, mind you- start running though his head as he puts the bacon on the skillet, and cracks the eggs into a bowl. 

And by the time they're all done eating, and have gotten dressed, Liam knows what he's gonna do about it.

"M'gonna go out for a bit. Might go back to my flat later, I'll text you."

And so Louis nods, kisses him on the cheek, and Liam walks to his side of the complex to get his car.

He makes the 10 minute drive to Starbucks with a smile on his face. This is an absolutely perfect plan. 

He waltzes in, takes off his jacket to reveal a tight-fitting black shirt, one that makes you realize how much time he puts into his body. 

He goes up to the counter with a smile on his face, looks right into that pair of stunning grey eyes when he orders his frappé. Evan smiles.

"So where's your cute little boyfriend this time?" Evan asks, handing Liam his change. Liam takes extra care to make as much skin contact of their hands as possible. 

"Not with him anymore. S'a bit of a dick to me. Cheated. So," Liam shrugs, "I'm open to whoever I want now." 

Evan smiles back at Liam. 

"Tell you what," Evan says, waving a long finger at Liam, "my shift ends in about 4 minutes. If you stick around, I'll come learn more about your dick of an ex?" 

Liam smiles, "sounds good t'me."

Liam is good at plans.

~

He waits for Evan, and isn't shy once Evan arrives at his table. 

"You're really fit," Liam says immediately. 

"So're you. Also, you're famous," Evan points out. 

"Fuck," Liam mutters, burying his hand in his face.

"Relax, I don't mind. Don't plan on telling anyone. If I had, I would have asked for a picture by now."

Liam smiles up at him, relieved, "so. What's up, Evan?"

Liam likes his name a lot.

"What's up is I haven't seen anyone as nice looking as you walk into this coffee shop since I've worked here and I," he pokes himself in the chest, "want to kiss you," he points to Liam. Liam smiles.

"That's funny, because _I_ want to kiss _you_ , Evan."

"Car?" Evan says.

And Liam nods.

Liam usually isn't one to nod at offers like this.

Liam isn't usually one to lash out and get revenge on ex's.

Liam isn't usually one for casual things. Hook-ups.

Liam isn't flirty.

Liam isn't courageous.

Liam doesn't know who the hell is making him act like this. But he is.

~

Him and Evan climb into the back seat of Liam's car (thank you, tinted windows), and don't really hesitate to snog.

Evan tastes like cinnamon gum and Liam tastes like mocha and its all quite nice.

But Evan isn't exactly a Niall-kind-of-kisser.

Meaning, Liam isn't really begging for more. It's just okay. 

And then the memories start flooding back to the first night he told Niall. Snogging Niall all around the flat.

Then the sex the first time. Then the time Liam made them dinner, and they had real first-time sex. Then the shower. The rimmimg. The fucking insane sex when he put eyeliner on. 

The looks Niall gave him. The sleepy mornings. The tears, the laughs. The courage it took Liam to tell Niall. The pure love. The completely intentional love.

And suddenly Evan doesn't taste as good as he should.

Liam pushes Evan away, opens the car door.

Evan gets out, there's a mumbled apology from Liam. 

And then Liam is starting the car, driving back to a place he knows he's supposed to be. 

~

He figures something else, then. Because he knows he needs to work this out. But it's kind of hard when he doesn't actually know what Niall did.

"Hey Li," Zayn says enthusiastically when he answers the phone.

"Hey. I need you to tell me something. What exactly did Niall do? Like, cheating wise."

"Ehm. He, er, just got this guy to suck him off before he realized that he was fucking up," 

Liam's mind is reeling. A blowjob. This was all over a fucking blowjob.

"Fuck, Zayn. I screwed up. Bad. Really bad. Fucking- Zayn, I'm coming to get him."

"I knew you would."

Liam hangs up, and puts a genuine smile on.

~

Liam gets out of his car and runs to Zayn's door. He feels like he's in a film. Everything is peaking right now, it's almost the climax of the story, and Liam has to hurry before he misses his opportunity to save him.

He smiles as he knocks on the door.

He's been such an idiot, such an idiot for not realizing that it doesn't matter what Niall did. It was a blowjob. That's what split them. Niall's sorry. Niall didn't want it to happen. Niall fucking loves him, so, so much. Niall is his soulmate. Soulmates don't get up and walk away just for stupid mistakes. Soulmates need each other, more than anything in the world. Liam was so stupid, so dumb, and it took his own mistakes to realize how wrong he was. To see that Niall is the only one he can ever be with. 

Zayn opens the door, and smiles wide.

Niall comes up behind him, all curious blue eyes that Liam misses so much.

Niall pushes past Zayn, and smiles.

Liam's smile turns into one of those entire-face grins.

And Niall laughs, as Liam pulls him in. 

And Liam kisses him like he should have done three days ago. 

Like he should have when Niall confessed. 

Zayn smiles, shuts the door.

Liam knocks them over onto the floor, so Niall's under his hips.

"I'm such an idiot Niall-" he kisses him- "such a fucking idiot.  
I'm so sorry-" kisses him again- "literally so damn sorry-" and again- "please forgive me, god I love you'- "and again and again until Niall giggles and just nods,

"Of course I forgive you, dumbass. I love you too," and Niall kisses him harder.

They lay on the wooden floor outside for all of twenty minutes, laughing at each other and kissing and trying to make up for the past three days in fond looks and smiles.

"I realized what I'm like without you, Ni." Liam says, tracing patters on Niall's neck. 

"And?"

"And I think I'm a little lost."

"Funny. That's what I told Zayn about me. I said 'Liam's my way to normality. And without him, I'm lost.'"

"S'poetic," Liam smiles.

"Innit?" Niall chuckles, "but really. I felt like I was dying."

"I think we're soulmates." Liam sort of blurts out.

Niall smiles, "I think you're right."

"Soulmates then?"

"Soulmates."


	17. ✚ Chapter 17 ✚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's probably gonna be 1 more chapter, that's all/: thank you again for those who leave comments, they help me so so much you can't even believe it. I hope this chapter is okay, I needed to write some more smut. I'm trying to end it all well(: PLEASE comment honest opinions! X

When they finally manage to get themselves off the floor (quite a while later), Niall asks if they can go back to Liam'a flat. 

Liam (of course) agrees, and so they head over. 

When they get in the door, the scent of Liam washes over Niall in one giant sweep, and he kind of cant help but break down.

The tears brim at his eyes, and he falls into Liam's chest.

"I was such a fucking idiot, Liam. I'm so damn sorry."

Liam runs his fingers through Niall's hair, wraps his right arm around Niall. He traces circles into Niall's shoulder with his thumb. Niall cries, and leans into Liam, and tries to apologize.

"Niall. We can't do this. We can't look back and apologize for the stupid shit we did. We both messed up. I don't blame you for it, and you don't blame me. We can just... We'll just get over it. We just won't make those mistakes again. Okay?" 

Niall nods into his chest. 

"I..." Niall swallows," I didn't do anything with Zayn by the way. I know I stayed with him for a few nights, but. We didn't do anything."

Liam feels the guilt rise up in his chest. 

"I did," Liam says softly. Niall pulls away, and looks at him. And he kind of nods. And Liam knows it doesn't matter. Niall doesn't care. Niall forgives him.

"Like...like what?" Niall asks softly.

"I kissed Harry. Not- Louis was okay. Louis was right there. He was just trying to make me calm down, and. Yeah. He didn't like. And then... And then there's this guy from Starbucks, I went in and- and we went to my car and kind of... Kind of made out and then I realized it was wrong and that's when..." Liam breathes, "that's when I came to get you."

Niall nods, "s'fine, Liam. You know that. That's perfectly okay."

Liam nods, Niall traces Liam's jaw with his thumb.

"God, I missed you." Niall whispers. 

Liam nuzzles into his touch. 

The silence in the room becomes so fragile, so ungodly fragile. It's just Niall tracing Liam's jaw, with his other arm slung around Liam'a neck. Liam cradling Niall's waist with big hands. The carefulness becomes palpable. There's soft breaths and eyes tracing over faces. And thankfulness for each other's company. 

And neither of them want to interrupt the silence. 

Slowly, the rain starts tapping on the windows. They both look up, and smile. Rain. It's just one of those things. One of those summer-day, peaceful things. Or one of those late-night dates, sleeping in the same bed as the person you love things. One of those picturesque things that just appears and makes moments a little more special. 

They look back at each other, and if they weren't in love before, they certainly are now.

It's all careful movements then. Like they haven't done this a hundred times before. Like if they move too suddenly it might ruin everything. They like this. This hesitancy. Most of their life is rushing, don't think just do, go go go, and this isn't. This is intentional and slow and perfect.

Liam ghosts open lips over Niall's cheek. He can hear Niall swallow. He can hear Niall's pulse. He presses his nose gently to Niall's face, and licks over his own bottom lip. Niall toys with the hairs at the nape of Liam's neck, as Liam's lips move to Niall's. They hover just above, and their eyes flutter closed. Niall doesn't think he's experienced anything more intimate in his life. 

It's just them, waiting for the other to move. 

After a few more breaths, they both do. Carefully, they both move forward and slot their lips together. Niall pulls Liam closer. 

It's gentle, sweet kisses for a short time before Liam goes to press Niall up against the wall, just gently. And they can still hear the rain pouring down. 

Somehow they kind of sink down to the floor, never once backing away from each other. Niall sits on Liam's lap and kisses him so tenderly Liam thinks he might crumble from how precious it is. 

And they stay like that for a long while; kissing and touching and just loving.

Niall slips Liam's shirt off and Liam shivers against the cold kitchen tile. Luckily Niall thinks to take his own shirt off, and his skin pressed against Liam's warms them both up rather quickly. 

Liam lets Niall kiss him and kiss him, until they're both out of breath and its just the moon shining through the window that creates the shadows on Liam's chest.

Niall sits up for a second just to look at Liam. Liam's eyes peer up at Niall and Niall actually sighs, actually says, 

"God, you're the most beautiful thing in the world," in the quietest voice he can fathom. Liam just blushes and huffs out a sort of laugh and turns his face. 

Niall scoops it back up in his palm and kisses him again. 

They kiss until they can't even keep their eyelids open. 

Liam puts one more kiss on Niall's cheek before he slips into sleep.

~

They wake up in the same spot, with sleepy smiles and aching backs and

"Oh fuck, my neck hurts."

And Liam laughs. 

There's more soft smiles until Liam says, "I think my lips are bruised" and Niall laughs.

And the it's quiet, unreasonably quiet, and Niall says, "I think this is a real good way to wake up, Liam." 

And Liam nods. 

It's the best way to wake up.

"Also..." Niall says quietly, then shakes his head. He smiles.

Liam raises an eyebrow, "what?"

Niall shakes his head again, "s'nothin."

"Niall," Liam warns.

"I...I haven't had... I haven't had any kind of sex in a while, and I'm so sorry to ruin this calm- I just, sorry."

Liam smiles, chuckles, "god, I was hoping you'd say that."

And then he's flipping Niall over, slipping down to take off Niall's shorts.

"Liam-" Niall says, kind of like oh-god-we-shouldn't-be-doing-this-now-what-why-is-this-happening sort of 'Liam', and Liam smiles as he nuzzles his lips to Niall's boxer front and says softly, "I really want to do this."

Niall's eyes close, and he nods, because fuck, he hasn't had this in too long. Honestly, he was getting desperate. The past few days have been hell. What, with pretty tan- skinned, half naked zayn waltzing around all the time. His only restraint was hope. Hope that Liam was going to come back after all and then he'd get this again. Luckily, Niall's hope worked.

"Liam, fucking- no teasing, please."

Liam nods, slips Niall's boxers off. He mouths at the base, going up and up until he reaches the tip and Niall's breath quickens and his eyes squeeze shut.

It's silence again, except a few delicious noises from the blowjob and Niall's shallow breaths. 

It doesn't take long for Niall to finish, flip over, and return the favor to Liam.

They lay there for another while, until Niall says, 

"I wonder if we'll ever get off this damn floor" 

And Liam says

"I don't think I want to."

But they do, and they go to work like they're supposed to.

It's a really good morning, in summary.

~ 

They spend the day planning dates. Release dates, signing dates, photoshoot dates, interview dates, etc. 

Niall sort of just leans over and kisses Liam in the middle of discussions, and Louis chuckles. He nods at Liam later. Sort of a "good job, mate. You made the right choice."

Liam nods back. He gives Harry a small smile, and then they both get a little blushy from recalling the kisses, and Liam drops his head and laughs, shaking his head. Harry does the same, and Harry nods then too. Zayn nods at Niall. Nods seem to be the preferred medium of communication today. 

The leader of the meeting (a modest agent) seems to think its also important to mention something at the end of the discussion. 

"Louis and Harry. Stop looking at each other during interviews, please. It's obvious. Also, the 'discreet' touching is too obvious. Cut it out. Oh. Niall, Liam. Since you two are apparently getting a little friendly-"

"It won't get obvious," Liam cuts in, "we... We know what happens with Lou and Harry, so. We're gonna keep it more than private. It won't be an issue." 

The guy nods.

Louis's eyes fall to the floor in that same defeated look he always wears when this is brought up. 

Harry leans into him, and sighs. He says something real quiet, just so Louis can hear. 

"I'm sorry we ever fell in love. I didn't want it to have to be like this, Lou."

And Louis's jaw tenses, he stares right at the Modest! guy, and stands up.

"You know what, fuck you. Fuck you for putting us through hell. I'll listen to you, for our career's sake. But fuck you for making the rules."

And then he says, "come on lads" and they all get up, all follow Louis because they know they should. Because its Louis. Harry stops in the hallway to pin Louis against the wall and kiss him. 

Liam watches Louis melt back into sanity. Then, everything's okay. 

~

When they get done with that whole deal, they decide to go to the hotel pool. It's mid may, perfect swimming weather. Why not.

It turns out that Liam looks about eighty million times more attractive when he's swimming, as Niall figures out. 

So one time when Liam pops up out of the water, Niall watches the water run down his tan skin for a minute, before lunging for him. He clings to Liam, who laughs. 

"You alright?" Liam asks with a smile. 

Niall leans down to say something in his ear, something like, "you look abnormally fit and I kind of want to ride you like this. Like right now." And Liam freezes. 

"I- Niall. You can't just say that sort of shit." 

Niall smirks and kisses his cheek, "you asked if I was alright. I just answered, leeyumm." 

Liam meets his eyes and Niall can actually _see_ how turned on he is.

"I- I mean. There's the locker rooms." Liam offers.

A devilish grin spreads across Niall's face, and he nods. 

Liam scrambles out of the pool, they both almost slip running to the locker rooms.

Basically, there's these little changing rooms by the pool via the apartment complex, but they're rarely ever used, because most people just go back to their flats to change. 

So it's just a nice, clean, deserted room. Perfect for public sex, basically. 

Liam's stomach is filled with this heavy heat, and he's really fucking hoping that Niall has some lube or something because he isn't really sure how this is going to work.

"Fucking- Niall. Do you have your wallet?"

Niall sighs, "fuck, it's out by the pool. Hang on."

While Niall rushes back out the door, Liam goes ahead and sits on a bench that is directly under the lockers, so you can lean up against them. He also goes ahead and takes off his swimming trunks, fights the urge to get himself off. He tilts his head back and breathes, waits for Niall. 

Luckily Niall can run rather fast, and he's back in about thirty seconds. 

He walks in and finds Liam, causing his own stomach to twist a little. 

"Yeah, I missed this." Niall says, digging out some lube and two condoms.

"Why- why condoms?" Liam asks, his voice all rough.

"Quicker clean up, here-" Niall says, handing Liam one package of the lube and a condom. 

They get all ready, Niall gets a couple fingers in himself, which Liam thinks is absolutely torturous to watch. 

And then Niall climbs up on him, Liam lines himself up and Niall sinks down and

 _Oh_

Both of their heads tip back, Liam's eyes fall shut. His lower stomach feels like its on fire. 

"Fucking- I needed this," Niall gets out. Liam nods. Niall finally looks at him, at his wet hair and chest and his arms all tensed up and everything. His eyes are dark and his lips are bright pink, and he looks absolutely delicious.

Niall grinds himself down into Liam's lap and groans, a smile breaking across his face. 

He starts properly fucking Liam, which is just about when a voice rings through the locker rooms.

Liam freezes. Niall looks at him with wide eyes, but there isn't really much they can do in this situation. 

Then, who other than Louis walks around the corner and-

"Oh. Fucking- sorry," he slaps a hand over his eyes, "Dammit Payne, you filthy bastard. Fine then," he turns around and walks back towards the entrance, "I'll make sure no one else walks in on you shagging your boyfriend." 

Niall just laughs, just giggles. Liam smiles then too because, whatever, it's Louis, for god's sake. Who the fuck cares. If anything, Louis can probably relate. 

Liam is, for some reason, a little further turned on knowing that they were just caught, that they're in a public place. Liam doesn't know why, but he sure as hell is.

So they continue, Niall does this thing where he giggles and then it turns into a groan and then his eyebrows furrow and that's especially what makes Liam lose it. 

When Niall comes, it's with his fist hitting curled into Liam's hair and his forehead on Liam'a shoulder. 

Liam smiles, lazily, "that was good." 

And Niall smiles too, nods. "Really, really good."

They clean up, and Niall kisses him roughly, also says, "I found your kink."

Liam quirks an eyebrow, to  
which Niall says, "don't worry, little voyeur. I won't tell anyone," and winks. He runs off, out the door, before Liam can protest.

Liam wonders how he possibly has enough energy left to run.

He definitely gets shit from Louis. Like, as soon as he walks out the door.

"I'll require a ten pound fee for making sure no one else caught you," he says, "also, how was it?" 

Liam flips him off, runs to get Niall and kiss him again. 

"I am not a voyeur, for the record," 

Niall rolls his eyes, "sure, Liam. Sure." 

Niall just kisses him again. 

It's a pretty good afternoon as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I AM GETTING REALLY DISCOURAGED THERE HAS BEEN LIKE NO COMMENTS THE PAST 5 DAYS IF IT SUCKS THE PLEASE TELL ME I WILL CHANGE THINGS OK PLEASE


	18. ✚ Chapter 18 ✚

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, guys. This is it.

They go back to Niall's flat, after swimming. Liam's exhausted, because of mostly swimming and also the sex. Niall's just tired because of the sex.

But they're both sleepy, and it's Liam who suggests the movie. It's Liam who suggests making cookies, and it's Niall who suggests making hot chocolate.

And Liam's in the living room, and when Niall walks in with the hot chocolate and the cookies-

Well.

Liam's breath catches in his throat a bit. He realizes. He brings his hand over his mouth, rubs his jaw. And the tears sting at his eyes, they run down his cheek.

Niall's about to ask what was wrong, but then he looks at the movie. He looks down at the cookies and the hot chocolate.

And he realizes. And he hastily slides the cookies and drinks on the table, runs across the room to hug Liam harder than he's ever hugged anyone before. 

And they smile into each other, they let the tears fall onto each other. And it's quiet, for a long, long time. 

Liam is the one whispering into Niall's hair, "I didn't believe in fate for a long time, Niall. Like, not until a few months ago. I was sitting there, drinking hot chocolate and watching a movie and eating cookies with the person I loved. Not just- not just the person I loved, but. The person I was _in_ love with. And it hit me then, that fate...well, it's real, isn't it? I mean. I auditioned twice. The second time, I did it. I made it. I made it with these four other people I knew nothing about. I was so scared, Niall. Then we started... We stared being famous. And then I was so thankful for you four. And I remember thinking something like 'maybe fate is a real thing'. But then, then that night with you... there wasn't a doubt in my mind that fate is what controls the whole world. And then there were times I kept wondering 'why? Why would fate do _this_ to me?' And now I think I know, Niall. I think it's necessary for us to have times where we don't believe in fate, so that we can have one time where... Where we realize that fate is absolutely everything. Because now I know it's real, I know that it wasn't all luck or coincidences. You showed me fate, Niall. And... And I think that's one of the best things you can give a person. You helped me in a way that changed... Well. Everything."

Niall hugs him tighter, puts his head up so it rests on Liam's shoulder, "I don't think there's any other person out there that I would rather help than you, Liam. Don't think there's anyone else who deserves it more."

Liam pulls away from him, cradles his face with large palms. Niall slides his arms around Liam's neck.

"Soulmates, then?" Liam says quietly, a grin starting at his lips.

"Hm, I'm gonna have to think this one over." Niall says, his brows furrowed in mock- consideration. 

Liam laughs, Niall laughs.

"Of course. Soulmates."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank every. Single. Person. Who has followed me through writing this, and has commented, and have feedback. YOU are the reason I'm writing. And I hope you loved it, I really do. This was the first long fanfiction I've wrote, staring back in September when I didn't know how to write just yet. You can actually see my writing change progressively. This is the only fic I've wrote where you can see that, and I love it. When I wrote the ending... I was trying to think, well, what do I want to convey. And, really? The entire band. The ENTIRETY of one direction is centered around fate. Fate is something that I love thinking about. So why not write about it? I know this chapter was short, and a lot of you don't want this fic to end. But it has to, so I can move on and write more things!(: I love this chapter. And really, that's hard for me- to like my own stuff. I'm pretty insecure about it, and I can proudly say I'm happy with this chapter. So... If you'll comment, that would be the best(: special Shoutout to PuzzlingApproach , for being one of the #1 supporters of my work! And.. Yeah. It's been fun, guys. Hope you enjoyed it(: -Emily xx


	19. Chapter 19

this is a note, 2 years from when I did this, and I am actually ashamed of this piece lmao like...it's very trope-y and I wrote it in very difficult-to-access and edit spaces so it's sloppy. I think it's also innacurate and offensive and preaches the 'someone else can save you' thing which is awful. the only reason I am leaving this piece online is so I can see how much I've grown in 2 years with writing. just so if anyone stumbles upon this knows! please ignore this piece it is not good in any way! lol


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